Kaleidoscope Heart

I can hardly believe it’s 30th of December already. How fast time flies really, just how… fast? It’s scary, really scary thinking about it. What if the moment I wake up tomorrow I’m already 27 year old? I mean, time surely feels fly that fast.

Okay, so instead of dwelling on how fast it flies, I’ll just embrace it, and do things I can do like we all have to do, right? Now… time for little flashback…

I started 2010 with… let’s see… Here are the highlights.

January 2010 - confessing my love to the best friend

A really good friend, a brother, a partner in crime business partner :) I’m glad I did. I’m glad to let him know what I feel, I’m glad I was brave enough to do that, one big leap, really. I never thought I would but hey, I did!

February 2010 - fell in love with another guy

   

Remember I spent times in the village? I found a new object of my affection there, one day I realized, I’ve moved on; I’ve fallen for this guy. Our mutual friends found this blog and my writing, it forced me to tell him how I felt. We spent some good time, not last that long, though. Another guy came and stole my heart.

March 2010 – One of the most wonderful birthday, ever! :D

Spent it with my closest friends, partying all night (yeah, I didn’t post any picture here… I forgot to bring the cam). Got lots, heaps and heaps of presents. Yayness!

April 2010 - fell for (yet) another guy

A high school friend suddenly came to my life, made me fall for him in no time :) and it’s quite sad to say I left the guy I fell for in February just like that. Maybe because he took too long to do anything, idk.

May 2010 – became lovers, officially

What to explain here? I fell so hard, so so so hard. Spent my night sleepless finishing my thesis but that’s okay because I had Le Boy. Days were filled with so much texting, hehe :)

June 2010 – Encountered some problems with old friends

I annoyed my friend, she proclaimed it to me. I was so down and sad and broke and all. Le Boy was around but I ruined his birthday with my old-sad-face. I still feel guilty thinking about it now but well… that was long time ago.

August 2010 – Graduated

along with that, I fought multiple times with Le Boy. Had little breakup, got back together, talked things out. Oh, and I talked to my friend (the one I annoyed on June) and we got back normal again :)

September 2010 – We broke up, for real

Just when our friends found out that we were together, we actually separated. That was actually awkward.

October 2010 – Worked hard for a little cafe

I spent the whole month looking for an ideal place, it took me the whole month.

November 2010 – Opened the little cafe

After long, I finally opened the cafe. Say, this was one long stressful month. Like seriously, I couldn’t really get a god sleep. My brain couldn’t stop thinking. There was this really heavy pressure I felt I didn’t know why. It shouldn’t be there but it was.

December 2010 – Closed the cafe

Yeah, It was opened on 21st November and closed on… I don’t know, I don’t want to care. In all honesty, there was a weird sensation I felt, like the burden had finally gone, lifted away. I was sad it was closed but then maybe that was for the best.

Ah… 2010, I’ve done so much, I’ve learnt so much, thank you for all the bitter and the sweet, the lesson and the pain. 2011, what you’ve got? I’ll take it all. Bring it on!! Well, okay… 2011, welcome :)

edit:

nikolett reminded me that I missed July, hahaha! My gosh, how could I do that? Okay, so...

July 2010 - I finished my thesis and passed the final exam.

Nothing much really happened, though. Hehehe... maybe that's why I forgot to type it down. :P

ohai ups and downs!

Oh right! I’m here! With news, some important news! And thoughts, and I don’t know what else, lol.

So… on with the news?

1. The little cafe had opened, and closed.

Now, how crazy does that sound? It was opened for about two weeks and then closed forever just like that. It’s hard to explain why without pointing finger at someone else so I don’t think I wanna do that.

I was happy with it, but I felt something was off. You wouldn’t want to know how many times I cried myself out alone in the dark because I don’t want people to know how depressing it was. I didn’t even understand what was so depressing about it.

Once, days got too hard to bear and I couldn’t let anyone know, I couldn’t let my parents know I was unhappy, I couldn’t let my partners know, so I asked Le Boy to come and hug me because only in front of him I could act like myself. I put off all my strong facade and just melt there in silence. Thank goodness he let me.

Well, now that the little cafe had closed just when people start to notice it and ask me about it, I felt a little heartbroken. The hardest part would be explaining to people why was it closed, all those questioning eyes, and the disdain they hold… I know it will disappear in time, though.

All in all, I don’t really regret this, I know it’s for the best.

2. Me and Le Boy? Weird stuff.

Remember this long love letter I wrote? It was supposed to be given to him on his birthday but well, things happened and I didn’t get the chance to. I gave it to him last week anyway. I’m not sure if he understands it wholly, though. Haha… at least he understand the “I love you” parts, right?

We’re still in this weird relationship, I think. At least for me it’s weird.

We did went out once in a while, the last time was when I got the news that the little cafe was closed for real, I asked him to accompany me to timezone. We did have fun, lots of them :) good time.

Man, I’ve been telling myself so many times to just stop stop. I mean, remember what happened to me and the best friend? I spent my.. how many years? Two? Three? to love him? And it all ended when I finally confessed to him all my feelings. Now, what am I to do with this feeling to Le Boy? Why am I so hard-headed? I mean… sigh, just stop already and look for someone new, tiara! lol.

Things are always easier said than done, right?

3. Projects with the best friend.

Business partners is what we are! I am so glad with it! I mean, when I don’t know what to do, he reminds me that I still have him around and we still have projects to do! Projects recycling is on the way, and business plans are made :D seriously, this is fun.

This newest competitions we’re joining have a very fun prize. Other than money, it’s a 4 days trip to either London, Japan or Singapore :) you see how tempting that is? Hahaha… I kinda hope for Japan and crossing my fingers to visit Japan Disneyland (because they said the hello kitty balloons are cuter there).

4. Tangled!

cute artwork! I’m pretty much in love with it! 

I know it’s kinda late but I will watch Tangled 3D tomorrow! Man, I’m such a sucker for disney’s fairytales. I mean, they’re sucky and cheesy and I just can guess how it would end “and they live happily ever after” right? But still… I am SO curious about this Rapunzel movie. I didn’t even got hyped about Princess and the Frog.

Maybe because it’s hard to find a partner to accompany me watch this movie? Everyone thinks it’s childish, it’s Disney’s and it’s a Fairytale remake. Even Le Boy rejected me (yeah, heartbroken here *kicks Le Boy*) but I’ve got myself a friend! Yayness! We’ve been planning to hangout since forever but both are too busy with our own lives.

This is one great excuse,haha!

5. The Ring has arrived!!!

Remember this pretty ring?

Remember that I told you someone sent it to me? Remember I promised you I would tell you once the ring arrive?

Do you know it took almost 4 months for this ring to land here save and sound at last? This crazy ring had made me and Kym nervous for the whole time, lol. Oh wait, Kym? Yes, you read it right, Kym from Herrohachi was the one who sent me this!

Do you believe in Karma? I do. Guess what? She sent me this ring, she got her own ring from her boyfriend (now is fiancé, congrats Kym!) and I couldn’t be any happier! I mean, I LOVE weddings! Hahaha…

Maybe I should send out some rings too? So someone would eventually propose? Hahaha… Okay, I’m starting to get delusional. ;P

Thank you Kym! I really couldn’t thank you enough!

So, 2010 had definitely been the craziest rollercoaster ride. I learnt so much, I experienced so much, I want to explore so much more! :) I am not afraid, you hear what they say?

Young and restless.

Ah! I hate the fact that I got a little bit too busy and everyone else in the blogsphere are too! I mean... the bloggy world seems to be a little silent lately (or is it just me not checking up?)

So, what's the news?

1. The little cafe/place to eat (I still can't find a suitable word to define this, lol) had opened! I will make a special post about it later, with all the details, promise! :D

2. I recently was involved in an accident, little one, thankfully. I am okay, I think, only few scratches which would not be lovely to post here :P all in all, no worries, I am fine.

Thing is, after I got into this accident, few hours later Le Boy was too. Things are a little bit worse on him, and now I'm hoping he's alright :( I haven't contacted him again but maybe I should soon and pay him a visit bringing cream soup and his favorite ice cream, maybe. Heheh.

3. Hmmm... what else to write here? I need to apologize for not being around. All the works consume me and my time :( as fun as it is, I still miss hanging out with my friends doing nothing, only gosipping and all...but everyone grows up and everything changes, I guess. :)

4. How do you like the new layout? It's FAR simpler than the simplest last one. lol.

projects projects!

Oh my dear! Here I am for real! Haha… Okay, I know I’ve been missing in action for like.. I don’t know… I just couldn’t find time to update until today :) what? You want to know where was I? Okay, I’ve been doing some projects with my friends and cousins. Here are some of the major project I did/been doing:

1. Project JUNKtion.
status: done (for now, maybe continued later)
partner: The Best Friend

There was a business competition and the Best Friend asked me to be his partner in this, what we had to do is to make a business proposal, so the project is all about junks and garbage, we collect and recycle them, make a place for those junks and people to learn more about them. That’s the idea.

We didn’t win the competition, though, so the project stopped (lol) but later if there’s another business proposal competition, we’ll join in again, haha! I had fun doing this project, really. We visited the landfills (which, as expected, is SO smelly) and for once, I saw those junks and garbage as hills and hills of money, haha! ($.$)

2. Project handmade
status: ongoing
partner: me, myself and I

My favorite project so far, although I’ve yet to make money from it, hahaha :P. So few weeks ago I found this fabric marker and my brain instantly worked on “OHISHOULDMAKESOMETHINGOUTOFIT!” Haha… so here goes… my little creation (which maybe I’ll sell later? Who knows? :P)

So I learnt to sew, and draw on fabric (harder than I thought, but fun!) and ta-daah! Here' goes little plushies I made! :D

 
My favorite I don’t know why, haha… it looks like a painting little plushie

   
This little red heart makes me run out of the red ink, lol. I should’ve thought about it earlier, lol. But I love it anyway :)

  
I tried to make a plushie of my friend, lol. Not bad, I guess… hoho…

  
it’s… uhm… something, I’m not really sure what, hahaha… so random!

3. Project writing
Status: ongoing
Partner: A college friend

From a chat once upon a time, we came up with an idea to write stories together. We are two very different people, and we thought it would be really fun to write about something from our perspectives.

unluckily, this project is in Indonesian so most of you couldn’t enjoy it (yet), but maybe later we’ll make the english version of it, who knows?  ;)

We’ve agreed to make a themed stories every couple of days, and just by seeing our writing we could see just how different our way of thinking and perspectives are :) FUN FUN FUN!

4. Project ‘a place to eat’

Status: ongoing

Partner: My cousins, Le Boy

Remember I wanted to make a little cakery? Or cafe? Okay, so I think I’m steps closer to make them, I started off with little place to eat and hang out. We (me and my cousins) rented a place and now is in our way to open it soon! :D

look what I’ve made! it’s kinda big, non?

and Le Boy is helping by being the architectural consultant here,  hohoho... (nice excuse for us to meet, no? :P)

Me, being so focused drawing, Ohohoho… the artist is on the run! So I hand-painted all the details, in this room! :D I am kinda proud of it!

and here is the completed tree in one of the side of the room! :D

What do you think? What do you think? What do you think?

Ahh… I’m so excited with all these projects going on, I know people been telling me to focus on only one but I think it’s just this much Le Boy affected me, I couldn’t stop finding things to do and I still feel like I haven’t done much! WOW. Haha… I feel like trying to do everything!

So wish me luck with all these projects! :D Oh the future is today!

#prayforindonesia

For you who follows me on twitter, I’ve been twitting and re-tweeting lots of stuffs in Indonesian. I hope it doesn’t annoy you.I’ve been talking and sharing/spreading information about Mt. Merapi, world’s most active volcano 40km from my house that had been erupting since October 26th.

It had been said that the eruption this year is the biggest during the last 100 years so I hope nothing bad will happen. I felt almost all the way to selfish when I read my previous post in this blog worrying about myself when hundreds people out there, in the same city don’t even know if where they can sleep tonight.

Mount Merapi is all the way in north Yogyakarta, and my house is in the south side, and for once I am thankful for it. Right now, my cousins are coming to my house because their boarding houses are pretty near (about 20 kms) from the volcano.

I am both sad and proud. It’s never a pleasuring sight to know a disaster, but it makes me proud to see that so many people, my friends, people I know, Yogyakarta’s citizen are all together trying to help each other, being volunteers, donating money, etc. I know I can’t do much but I even the littlest thing counts.

bad mood go away! Shoo shoo!

I really don’t like it when I’m feeling pessimistic, and lately, that’s what’s happening to me. I think and think and think and at one point, I can’t help but feeling afraid.

What if the business I’m going to do isn’t succeeded? What if it meets lots of obstacles I can’t handle? What if people don’t like it? What if I can’t find another boy and stuck on Le Boy? What if it takes me too long to get over him and I’ll be too late and every single boy is taken and I got none?

For those in happier mood, this post must be ridiculous, I know.

Blame the whole day out, spending time in the city completing the preparation for the business; getting back home very late at night on my scooter and the rain fell so suddenly I got home all drenched.

Ah… I hope this bad mood can go far far far away all the soonest! I do enjoy all the business talk, but I do miss hanging out with my friends chatting and just gossiping.

and of course, I miss spending time with Le Boy. Well I do, as we are now business partners, but the whole thing feels different. We’re good and everything’s okay between us, I just hate the fact that sometimes I still act stupid in front of him like I used to and he will laugh at me and that… feels quite nostalgic, except that maybe he now thinks I am really stupid instead of cute and funny.

ps. Yes, I am now business partners with both Le Boy and The Best Friend, how cool that is? Lol. I just can't let them go far from me, huh? And hopefully, vice versa :P

pps. On a quite different note, Abby is holding her first giveaway! She's giving away very irresistible Givenchy, no worries! This giveaway is open world wide! :D Now, if I win this, I'm sure the bad mood will go instantly, lol :P

Here are the rules (Copy-pasted from Abby's blog):

1. Follow her blog
2. Post about this giveaway
3. Leave a comment in her giveaway post with your link and email address

Easy peasy, no? ;)

Notice something different?

  

I am sure you all do, well… except if this is your first visit here ;) if so, welcome!

I’ve been wanting to change my layout to three rows one because well… this way I can put up more links and advertisement in the future (maybe). So today I made it, yayness!

Anyway, life has been busy and I love it :) I’m starting to working on my business, which is still a secret for you all here now just because I don’t wanna jinx it, haha… I promise after everything is settled, I’ll tell you all! (like of course since I’m so much of a show off person lol)

Been meeting lots of new and old friends, talking to many people and do funs tuff, well… okay, some of them aren’t so fun but heck… I’ve learnt from one guy that sometimes you win, sometimes you… learn.

Isn’t the thought lovely? We never lose, never ever :D

Remember the old friend? Yeah yeah… the one I fell for long time ago? The one I confessed my love to early this year? Mm hmm… We’re having a project together now, I hope this will turns out well. Nothing romantic included, though.

He’s like a bigger brother already for me, hahaha… this is cute how we can still get so close. I think he’s pretty much matured, especially compared to Le Boy (in which I gotta say doesn’t realize that he’s still childish). Anyway, who am I to judge.

And… I know this new layout still look pretty messy but I’ve got some few things to be done today so I gotta go now, promise I’ll fix it soon. So if you have any suggestion, just poke me in the comment box and tell me which one is not pleasing in your eyes alright? :)

Oh, and one more thing! If you’re an entrepreneur, has your own business, if you don’t mind, do tell me some tips and tricks because that’s what I’m doing right now, and because I’m still beginner… I’d love to learn more, please? :D

Wish me luck today, big things are coming my way, I hope I can catch them! :D

Just do it.

Wait, wait till you know you’re sure 

and you will wait too long, he will be gone

get dirty, get fucking filthy, get poor, get off your ass, get desperate, get dangerous, get ville, get romantic, get fucked, get moving, get productive, get proactive, get your own life, get doing something, ANYTHING. 

Because before you know it, you're 40 with kids, a mortgage and responsibilities that cause your fun to come second. 

So before cancer, before children, before 50 hours work weeks, before back and knee problems, before school loans, before you lose your sense of humor...

FIGHT 

Fight and fuck and run and smile 

Smile because the older you get, the less you will 

So yes, quit being such a goddamn pussy, because bitching and whining and worry never make anything better. 

I love this quote I found via tumblr, I made it my desktop wallpaper just so I remember to just do things I wanna do, take the risk, take the chance.

I’ve figured that when you want to do something, just do it, as long as you’re not hurting other, do it, do everything you want to do.

Maybe you’ll regret some of it, but if you never try, you’ll never know. Maybe things will go wrong, but everything will be okay in the end. And most importantly, maybe it’ll take you to somewhere you really belong.

I’m talking about life, which I’ve figured isn’t always about love. It’s about social life, taking risk and challenge, consequences, failing and standing up again, breaking and putting things together again, moving on and be brave.


So like NIKE always says: JUST DO IT!

Well… okay…

Haha, I know I was like away (again) for … three days? So the 7th challenge was about my dream wedding, on the 7th day I was not in the mood of talking about wedding at all, so I thought I should just skip it, BUT skipping a day would mean skipping the next day and the next next day for me. So here I am, trying to get back to the track again, hahaha…

My dream wedding is a grand one.

I want everyone to wear white while me and the groom wear, well… something else.. Haha… everything would be white, from the decoration to the flowers and… all. haha…

My dream wedding would have you all in it, I hope this one can really do come true :D because that would mean I and the groom are financially stable to be able to invite you guys :)

I want everyone to be there in my wedding, not because I want to show off, but I want to share the happiness ;) I’d love to have a full gamelan set (traditional musical instrument) to be played during my wedding, I’m still curious if they can play canon with gamelan, haha…

My dream wedding is the grand, mixed of traditional and my artwork one. Because I love our culture too much with all its sacred rituals and I want to let you all know how pretty it is :D and just because I am so proud of my own artwork ;P

isn’t all the details lovely?

Is it the 5th day or the 6th?

LOL. SO I am losing track of time, haha… I’ll do both in one post then… hahaha… 

The 5th challenge is to post a picture of myself 2 years ago, so here it comes… 

this is me two years ago… 

this is me now… 

I don’t think I grow up THAT much… hmm… I even think I de-grow, lol xD

Alright, the 6th day challenge is PHOTO OF AN ANIMAL YOU WANT TO KEEP AS A PET


Easy peasy, of course it’s a PANDA!!! :P

DAY 4 - Your Fave Photo of Your Best Friend

     

 

 
Am I cheating by posting too many pictures? Ah, who cares, they’re all my best friends… there are even some I haven’t showed here yet…

DAY 3 - Your Idea of the Perfect First Date

Seriously, though. The romantic in me have no idea about it, it can be because
1.) I’m still trying to mend my broken heart (no, really no, I’m not that heartbroken anymore)
2.) I have no idea.
3.) I have too much ideas in my mind, haha!

Fat chance is option number three. Anyway, no matter how the first date went, it’s the person I am with that are important.

I’m sure I’ll enjoy just a walk on a park as much as I’ll enjoy crazy rollercoaster ride or romantic candle light dinner (which maybe will be too much for a first date, lol).

If I am to make up my mind and choose one perfect date… let’s see…

I think I’ll scare you off but I really think I am that one girl who loves to show off, it would be nice if my date sing me a song in the middle of the crowd, is that too dramatic? I mean… well, Le Boy never sang me a song in public, he did it privately, which didn’t make it less romantic ;)

I think I’ll enjoy the deep red blushing time I’d have once someone give me that kind of surprise, haha… with friends teasing al around, or better, people I don’t know smiling and congratulate me because they just witnessed how loved I am.


What about you?

DAY 2 - Photo of Something You Ate Today

Today was HOT, like always. So the minute I arrived at my campus cafeteria (what? I know I’ve graduated, but I still do hanging out in my campus once in a while everyday) I instantly went to ne of the stalls and ordered this heavenly watermelon juice (photo was not taken by me, found via google, hehe)

Are you having a hot day too there? Doesn’t this look so yummy? I always love watermelon anyways, and when I found that someone made a juice of it, mm hmm… can never resist it ;)


Watermelon is useful for those with high blood pressure, too! Too bad, I’m a low BP one, which makes it quite dilemmatic for me. Shouldn’t drink it too often, they say.

On a quite different note, I think I’ve kind of moved on. Me and Le boy are still in a good relationship, we’re still friends, not as close as before but I think we’re doing things pretty good. Sometimes there are those awkward moments, though, which I don’t really like.

Can’t deny that sometimes I do miss spending times with him, and well… yes, I still do have feelings for him, this is my weakness, lol. I am hard to fall in love, even harder to fall out of love, thank goodness he stays to make sure I’m doing fine :)

Our breakup wasn’t the harsh one, we talked and decided. At that time, we had problems and the day after I had plan to go out of the city for a job, we both thought that would be unhealthy if we kept the problem while I am away for a time unknown, so we decided to part ways.

The cutest thing, though. We both had thought about breaking up, so both of us, unknown to each other, had prepared small gifts to give that day. I mean, well… I am thankful that we were not like the couples who throw things at each other on their breakup day, we exchange gifts instead, lol.

That night, he kept telling me not to feel too sad. Of course I was sad and shed buckets of tears, but still it was so nice of him to be there.

So whatever will happen in the future I hope the best to come to us as soon as possible, well I know everything will be okay at the right time :) I hope he’ll find his happiness and I do too, whether or not we’re going back together, I’ll pray for the best for us :)

Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on bra

La la how the life goes on

(The Beatles – Obladi Oblada)

DAY 1 - Photo of Yourself & Description of Your Day

Anyone notice bloger has been quite quiet lately? I mean, it’s not only me who’s slacking, right? Haha… Anyway, I miss this blogsphere since forever, I just don’t know what to talk about and I will probably go on and off the blogsphere again if it continues.

So I decided to follow Kym’s path to blog everyday doing this challenge of 30 days blogging. I am not so good in keeping things like this up but I will try my best, really! *cross fingers* so let’s start!

DAY 1 - Photo of Yourself & Description of Your Day

(well… I can’t find a proper picture of myself, lol)

My day? Well, it’s still early in the morning so nothing much happened (yet), but I have some plans to do in my to-do list, like cooking and baking and hanging out with my highschool friends and going to the stationery shop to find a fabric marker.

Sounds like a great idea, non? I am pretty much mobilized now that my parents bought me a motorcycle I (finally) asked. Say, motorcycle isn’t my favorite vehicle, plus I am lack of balance (lol) but I have to admit that it makes me feel pretty isolated not to have one. Sure there are lots of public transportation and friends to always fetch me, problem is, my house is like so far far away from theirs, they’re okay with it, but I am not, it almost feels like I’m a bother.



In all honesty it was le boy (or le ex now? lol) who made me realize that I need to stop asking people to take me home (because when we’re hanging out, me and him, it’ll be until midnight and there are no public transportation nor he would let me if there’s one) and his house is like miles away from mine, he’s far in the north and mine’s way down in the south, hahaha… opposites attract?


AND I’ve promised myself to never ask my parents to buy me a car because I will buy mine myself. They have been asking if I want a motorcycle since centuries ago but I always answered no, lol. Just because I don’t like it. Hehe…

At last, I found this little scooter-like scoopy, I fell in love and alright, “Mom, dad, I want that one…” hahaha… me asking a motorcycle was a weird thing, so they agreed.



Mine is the classic white one. and I think it matches this blog very well, no? haha…

Alright, see ya later in the 2nd day challenge! ;)

I have tiger as a pet

Okay, a kitten, but I named him Tiger. True to his name, he’s one crazy wild little mean cat.

Tsk, he’s so cool and handsome and will bite you anytime he wants, he wants lots of attentions too.

He can’t stop jumping, running like the flash, eating, repeat.

He’s the cutest when he sleeps, lol.  just can’t help to tease him when he sleeps.

So I found him few months ago in my canteen cafeteria, I found him cute, I brought him home.


 

Tiger then, when he was just… I don’t know, maybe around 2 months old? This picture was taken the first day he came to my house, all he did was sleeping. Wasn’t he so cute?
  
Tiger now. The crazy wild cat, hahaha… I love him all the same anyway, if not growing stronger ;) he’s been with me through my ups and downs :)


Look at his all-fangs teeth!!! I’m a victim of his biting! Daily biting! Poor poor me, aren’t I? lol.

Strangers Meeting

Strangers meeting

Never mind how it will end in the future

As least we were once together

There’s no need to bound each other

And there’s no need for any verbal promises

As long as we once had each other

To me, this is already enough

There are a lot of memories in one’s lifetime

I only wish your memories will have me 

Found this song when I was watching a Taiwanese drama series entitled 'Fated to Love You' originally sung in Mandarin (Of course, lol) I don't know who sang it, but I love the meaning.

ps. I start treating my blog like a tumblr, lol.

of life and train

Well, hello all, I know I disappeared from the blogsphere for quite a while. Now I'm here, hopefully back for good ;)

 

“This is your life, are you who you want to be?” 

Switchfoot

Life has been up and down, well… just like it always is, and sometimes I shut my eyes tight hoping I could stop time for a moment, of course I failed.

Had a family gathering made me realize how fast time flies, how I am not a primary school student anymore, how I’ve grown up, and everyone else is too.

I remember the old times when days were only of playing either with water, or friends, or better, both. Days when I always slept at 9 o’clock. Where were those days gone? How can time flies so fast I didn’t realize it?

Growing up feels like being on a train that moves too fast, or more likely, in constant speed it feels too fast sometimes. There are pretty views outside I want to spend more time enjoying, but no, the train keep moving, and it will never go back there again.

So the only thing I (or we all…) can do is savor every moment, and maybe take some pictures of the pretty view and keep it safe and sound in once precious box called memories we can dig in to sometime later in the future.

In order to make myself sure I am on the right track, I think I’ll start to make a list of things I want/have to do to be who I want to be, of course I know some things won’t go according to plan, but at least I’ll try to reach out for it instead of just go with the flow. More about this list later ;)

ps. I created a new facebook account (haha!), feel free to add me if you want to. I speak in Indonesian most of the time, though. I always seem to forget about this, pfft... lol

oh 2010...

Dear 2010,

I know you haven't ended yet but... even only in the 9th month you're already such a crazy roller-coaster. I'll make this post short... I've confessed my feelings to someone I really liked ((loved?). Fell in love (twice). Finished my thesis. Did my final test. Survived. Graduated... and the recent one... Breaking up.

Honestly, I can't wait to see what else you'll bring. New love? Getting back to each other arms all over again? Absence from any romantic events? New business?

Whatever it is, I know it's for the best.

I've yet to be the all smiley girl littletiara was, well that would be abnormal if I do, lol. Say, of course I cried overnight (and day), regretted things I did (and didn't), got all melancholic and confused... but I know I am getting over it sooner or later.

;)

the details may (or may not) come later.

welcome to the… uh… real world? jungle? space?

My life has been being a crazy rollercoaster ride… I’m all the way from up to down up again and… oh well… this is crazy my stomach starts to churn.

1. I (finally) graduated.
You all (kind of) witnessed how I struggled on making the stressful thesis, those long stressful nights with pile of books and not so much cups of coffee. You congratulated me when I finally finished, and survived the final test, and here I am now, a (legal) literature bachelor.

The graduation day was fab! I love every bits of it! :D my kebaya, my high heels, my make up (I was so DONE, lol, woke up at 4AM to get all ready by 6- CRAZY!), and of course… my FRIENDS! Omg, how precious :D

Some pictures from the graduation day:


 

In all honesty, I love every little details on my Kebaya... Hahaha...  

2. Me and Le Boy?
We’re having one hell rollercoaster ride too, we had a (really short) break (he asked for a break up, I disagreed, I asked for a little break instead), back to each other’s arms, have little fights again, talked things out, got better… oh wow, what a ride we were in.

Now? We’re okay, just okay. We’re yet to get back to our romantic selves, but this is better than before :) I think both of us just realized that despite the old days we spent in the high school, we still have so much more to learn about each other and how we need to adjust to fit in, and I can proudly say he tries his best to do it, and I do too-of course.

Anyway, someone did me a tarot card reading, and he said to me, things will get even harder in the future. That, until he opened the last card, ten of pentacles, and declared to me that actually it will be a happy ending. Hehe… I did little browsing about this card and I think it’s the best out of all, lol.

The 10 of Pentacles is a very happy indicator with regard to love. If you are currently committed, this card can mean that you will move to the next level; living together, engagement, marriage, childbirth, all can be indicated by this card.

3. Jobseeking, or whatever.
Now that I am no longer a university student, I finally knew what people meant with “welcome to the real world”, everything is on me, every decision is by me. I decide what I want to be, and do something about it. I plan out my own future, my own path of how I get what I want, unlike the university days when everything was all planned out.

It feels kind of like hanging around without knowing what will come, what I have to do to survive a day, this is kind of… really scary.

I know I want to start making more artworks and sell them out, but even that need more planning out. I still have to look for a job, to work in a company, I need money to start my own business, I need more friends and links, and honestly saying, all these… are scary, but I hope I can just go through it :).

ps: So here I am helping out my cousin, please do vote for his fiction, although it's in Bahasa and most of you can't understand the story.. (hehe...) just... click the thumbs up picture, pretty pretty please?

Here is the link. clicky click! Thank you! :D