Kaleidoscope Heart

I can hardly believe it’s 30th of December already. How fast time flies really, just how… fast? It’s scary, really scary thinking about it. What if the moment I wake up tomorrow I’m already 27 year old? I mean, time surely feels fly that fast.

Okay, so instead of dwelling on how fast it flies, I’ll just embrace it, and do things I can do like we all have to do, right? Now… time for little flashback…

I started 2010 with… let’s see… Here are the highlights.

January 2010 - confessing my love to the best friend

A really good friend, a brother, a partner in crime business partner :) I’m glad I did. I’m glad to let him know what I feel, I’m glad I was brave enough to do that, one big leap, really. I never thought I would but hey, I did!

February 2010 - fell in love with another guy

   

Remember I spent times in the village? I found a new object of my affection there, one day I realized, I’ve moved on; I’ve fallen for this guy. Our mutual friends found this blog and my writing, it forced me to tell him how I felt. We spent some good time, not last that long, though. Another guy came and stole my heart.

March 2010 – One of the most wonderful birthday, ever! :D

Spent it with my closest friends, partying all night (yeah, I didn’t post any picture here… I forgot to bring the cam). Got lots, heaps and heaps of presents. Yayness!

April 2010 - fell for (yet) another guy

A high school friend suddenly came to my life, made me fall for him in no time :) and it’s quite sad to say I left the guy I fell for in February just like that. Maybe because he took too long to do anything, idk.

May 2010 – became lovers, officially

What to explain here? I fell so hard, so so so hard. Spent my night sleepless finishing my thesis but that’s okay because I had Le Boy. Days were filled with so much texting, hehe :)

June 2010 – Encountered some problems with old friends

I annoyed my friend, she proclaimed it to me. I was so down and sad and broke and all. Le Boy was around but I ruined his birthday with my old-sad-face. I still feel guilty thinking about it now but well… that was long time ago.

August 2010 – Graduated

along with that, I fought multiple times with Le Boy. Had little breakup, got back together, talked things out. Oh, and I talked to my friend (the one I annoyed on June) and we got back normal again :)

September 2010 – We broke up, for real

Just when our friends found out that we were together, we actually separated. That was actually awkward.

October 2010 – Worked hard for a little cafe

I spent the whole month looking for an ideal place, it took me the whole month.

November 2010 – Opened the little cafe

After long, I finally opened the cafe. Say, this was one long stressful month. Like seriously, I couldn’t really get a god sleep. My brain couldn’t stop thinking. There was this really heavy pressure I felt I didn’t know why. It shouldn’t be there but it was.

December 2010 – Closed the cafe

Yeah, It was opened on 21st November and closed on… I don’t know, I don’t want to care. In all honesty, there was a weird sensation I felt, like the burden had finally gone, lifted away. I was sad it was closed but then maybe that was for the best.

Ah… 2010, I’ve done so much, I’ve learnt so much, thank you for all the bitter and the sweet, the lesson and the pain. 2011, what you’ve got? I’ll take it all. Bring it on!! Well, okay… 2011, welcome :)

edit:

nikolett reminded me that I missed July, hahaha! My gosh, how could I do that? Okay, so...

July 2010 - I finished my thesis and passed the final exam.

Nothing much really happened, though. Hehehe... maybe that's why I forgot to type it down. :P

ohai ups and downs!

Oh right! I’m here! With news, some important news! And thoughts, and I don’t know what else, lol.

So… on with the news?

1. The little cafe had opened, and closed.

Now, how crazy does that sound? It was opened for about two weeks and then closed forever just like that. It’s hard to explain why without pointing finger at someone else so I don’t think I wanna do that.

I was happy with it, but I felt something was off. You wouldn’t want to know how many times I cried myself out alone in the dark because I don’t want people to know how depressing it was. I didn’t even understand what was so depressing about it.

Once, days got too hard to bear and I couldn’t let anyone know, I couldn’t let my parents know I was unhappy, I couldn’t let my partners know, so I asked Le Boy to come and hug me because only in front of him I could act like myself. I put off all my strong facade and just melt there in silence. Thank goodness he let me.

Well, now that the little cafe had closed just when people start to notice it and ask me about it, I felt a little heartbroken. The hardest part would be explaining to people why was it closed, all those questioning eyes, and the disdain they hold… I know it will disappear in time, though.

All in all, I don’t really regret this, I know it’s for the best.

2. Me and Le Boy? Weird stuff.

Remember this long love letter I wrote? It was supposed to be given to him on his birthday but well, things happened and I didn’t get the chance to. I gave it to him last week anyway. I’m not sure if he understands it wholly, though. Haha… at least he understand the “I love you” parts, right?

We’re still in this weird relationship, I think. At least for me it’s weird.

We did went out once in a while, the last time was when I got the news that the little cafe was closed for real, I asked him to accompany me to timezone. We did have fun, lots of them :) good time.

Man, I’ve been telling myself so many times to just stop stop. I mean, remember what happened to me and the best friend? I spent my.. how many years? Two? Three? to love him? And it all ended when I finally confessed to him all my feelings. Now, what am I to do with this feeling to Le Boy? Why am I so hard-headed? I mean… sigh, just stop already and look for someone new, tiara! lol.

Things are always easier said than done, right?

3. Projects with the best friend.

Business partners is what we are! I am so glad with it! I mean, when I don’t know what to do, he reminds me that I still have him around and we still have projects to do! Projects recycling is on the way, and business plans are made :D seriously, this is fun.

This newest competitions we’re joining have a very fun prize. Other than money, it’s a 4 days trip to either London, Japan or Singapore :) you see how tempting that is? Hahaha… I kinda hope for Japan and crossing my fingers to visit Japan Disneyland (because they said the hello kitty balloons are cuter there).

4. Tangled!

cute artwork! I’m pretty much in love with it! 

I know it’s kinda late but I will watch Tangled 3D tomorrow! Man, I’m such a sucker for disney’s fairytales. I mean, they’re sucky and cheesy and I just can guess how it would end “and they live happily ever after” right? But still… I am SO curious about this Rapunzel movie. I didn’t even got hyped about Princess and the Frog.

Maybe because it’s hard to find a partner to accompany me watch this movie? Everyone thinks it’s childish, it’s Disney’s and it’s a Fairytale remake. Even Le Boy rejected me (yeah, heartbroken here *kicks Le Boy*) but I’ve got myself a friend! Yayness! We’ve been planning to hangout since forever but both are too busy with our own lives.

This is one great excuse,haha!

5. The Ring has arrived!!!

Remember this pretty ring?

Remember that I told you someone sent it to me? Remember I promised you I would tell you once the ring arrive?

Do you know it took almost 4 months for this ring to land here save and sound at last? This crazy ring had made me and Kym nervous for the whole time, lol. Oh wait, Kym? Yes, you read it right, Kym from Herrohachi was the one who sent me this!

Do you believe in Karma? I do. Guess what? She sent me this ring, she got her own ring from her boyfriend (now is fiancé, congrats Kym!) and I couldn’t be any happier! I mean, I LOVE weddings! Hahaha…

Maybe I should send out some rings too? So someone would eventually propose? Hahaha… Okay, I’m starting to get delusional. ;P

Thank you Kym! I really couldn’t thank you enough!

So, 2010 had definitely been the craziest rollercoaster ride. I learnt so much, I experienced so much, I want to explore so much more! :) I am not afraid, you hear what they say?

Young and restless.

projects projects!

Oh my dear! Here I am for real! Haha… Okay, I know I’ve been missing in action for like.. I don’t know… I just couldn’t find time to update until today :) what? You want to know where was I? Okay, I’ve been doing some projects with my friends and cousins. Here are some of the major project I did/been doing:

1. Project JUNKtion.
status: done (for now, maybe continued later)
partner: The Best Friend

There was a business competition and the Best Friend asked me to be his partner in this, what we had to do is to make a business proposal, so the project is all about junks and garbage, we collect and recycle them, make a place for those junks and people to learn more about them. That’s the idea.

We didn’t win the competition, though, so the project stopped (lol) but later if there’s another business proposal competition, we’ll join in again, haha! I had fun doing this project, really. We visited the landfills (which, as expected, is SO smelly) and for once, I saw those junks and garbage as hills and hills of money, haha! ($.$)

2. Project handmade
status: ongoing
partner: me, myself and I

My favorite project so far, although I’ve yet to make money from it, hahaha :P. So few weeks ago I found this fabric marker and my brain instantly worked on “OHISHOULDMAKESOMETHINGOUTOFIT!” Haha… so here goes… my little creation (which maybe I’ll sell later? Who knows? :P)

So I learnt to sew, and draw on fabric (harder than I thought, but fun!) and ta-daah! Here' goes little plushies I made! :D

 
My favorite I don’t know why, haha… it looks like a painting little plushie

   
This little red heart makes me run out of the red ink, lol. I should’ve thought about it earlier, lol. But I love it anyway :)

  
I tried to make a plushie of my friend, lol. Not bad, I guess… hoho…

  
it’s… uhm… something, I’m not really sure what, hahaha… so random!

3. Project writing
Status: ongoing
Partner: A college friend

From a chat once upon a time, we came up with an idea to write stories together. We are two very different people, and we thought it would be really fun to write about something from our perspectives.

unluckily, this project is in Indonesian so most of you couldn’t enjoy it (yet), but maybe later we’ll make the english version of it, who knows?  ;)

We’ve agreed to make a themed stories every couple of days, and just by seeing our writing we could see just how different our way of thinking and perspectives are :) FUN FUN FUN!

4. Project ‘a place to eat’

Status: ongoing

Partner: My cousins, Le Boy

Remember I wanted to make a little cakery? Or cafe? Okay, so I think I’m steps closer to make them, I started off with little place to eat and hang out. We (me and my cousins) rented a place and now is in our way to open it soon! :D

look what I’ve made! it’s kinda big, non?

and Le Boy is helping by being the architectural consultant here,  hohoho... (nice excuse for us to meet, no? :P)

Me, being so focused drawing, Ohohoho… the artist is on the run! So I hand-painted all the details, in this room! :D I am kinda proud of it!

and here is the completed tree in one of the side of the room! :D

What do you think? What do you think? What do you think?

Ahh… I’m so excited with all these projects going on, I know people been telling me to focus on only one but I think it’s just this much Le Boy affected me, I couldn’t stop finding things to do and I still feel like I haven’t done much! WOW. Haha… I feel like trying to do everything!

So wish me luck with all these projects! :D Oh the future is today!

Notice something different?

  

I am sure you all do, well… except if this is your first visit here ;) if so, welcome!

I’ve been wanting to change my layout to three rows one because well… this way I can put up more links and advertisement in the future (maybe). So today I made it, yayness!

Anyway, life has been busy and I love it :) I’m starting to working on my business, which is still a secret for you all here now just because I don’t wanna jinx it, haha… I promise after everything is settled, I’ll tell you all! (like of course since I’m so much of a show off person lol)

Been meeting lots of new and old friends, talking to many people and do funs tuff, well… okay, some of them aren’t so fun but heck… I’ve learnt from one guy that sometimes you win, sometimes you… learn.

Isn’t the thought lovely? We never lose, never ever :D

Remember the old friend? Yeah yeah… the one I fell for long time ago? The one I confessed my love to early this year? Mm hmm… We’re having a project together now, I hope this will turns out well. Nothing romantic included, though.

He’s like a bigger brother already for me, hahaha… this is cute how we can still get so close. I think he’s pretty much matured, especially compared to Le Boy (in which I gotta say doesn’t realize that he’s still childish). Anyway, who am I to judge.

And… I know this new layout still look pretty messy but I’ve got some few things to be done today so I gotta go now, promise I’ll fix it soon. So if you have any suggestion, just poke me in the comment box and tell me which one is not pleasing in your eyes alright? :)

Oh, and one more thing! If you’re an entrepreneur, has your own business, if you don’t mind, do tell me some tips and tricks because that’s what I’m doing right now, and because I’m still beginner… I’d love to learn more, please? :D

Wish me luck today, big things are coming my way, I hope I can catch them! :D

Sore Feet!

What I did today?


1. I met my prof and he was being a cheap ass. whatever.


2. Went out with my high school friend which I missed muchies :)
We were close back then, he was such a flirt (and I believe he still is), been asking me to be his girlfriend for billions time, bluffing or not I don't know, since he loves asking girls to be his girlfriend (lol). Anyway, we were close because both of us were (or still are) childish, loves drawing and graphic designing and quite secretly adore each other's talent.


The destinations:


-An old thrift store





See, those are all antique stuffs! Old mirror, old drawers...
and lol at these two silly toys I don't even know the function, hahaha...




They're kinda cute, I think...





And he bought this little spidey! Haha, he's a spidey huge fan.


Oh, and then continued to me buying perfume, we kinda had fun spraying the perfume (err... yeah), I ended up buying CK one, I think it's nice ;d


Next stop? Mall.


- Timezone


How long ago had it been since the last time I went there? I can't tell, I don't remember really. It felt kind of nostalgic, which is funny since timezone isn't really a place you usually feel nostalgic in. lol. And we didn't really play anything... what we did there? We picked some left tickets, haha... felt so much like looking for a treasure, ha!


- Girly shop


No, he didn't enter the shop, he waited outside and only came when I asked him his opinion, nice guy. So I got this pretty little ring ;) and I bought my mom a birthday present too, which she really really liked ;D





- Clothing stores


he saw a polo shirt, which I thought is cute on him... and I didn't know boys need as much time as girls do on deciding if he should buy the thing or not, lol, after hours of contemplating, walking around the mall for miles and sore feet, he bought it.




Anyway, just in case you’re wondering, he loves his round glasses SO much. He doesn't even need glasses, he just love John Lennon, yes.


in a slightly different note... Err, we did hold hands. It's been long since I did it, with the best friend it was never a skinship, with the new guy? He kinda grabs my arm, but not this kind of holding hands, this old fella, he offered his hand for me, it was kinda awkward (for me) at first, but then.. I quite enjoy it, haha... is it a good sign?




Not that I've harboured any kind of feeling towards him at this time,I just like the way he treats me. I think.

edit:
I forgot, haha... on our way to the parking lot, we had a running competition. lol. none of us won, though.

And if daddy didn’t force his precious little girl to go home early today, I wouldn’t be here to post this yet, we’d have a long night adventure instead. Daddy, you’re not being really cool this time.

My world is turning up-up-up and side-side-side and down

I just realized I didn't put up any title in the previous post, lol. Guess I was too caught up with the fact that... oh well, that LOTS of things happened, and I was so wrong thinking everything will end soonest. Later yesterday I found my friend(s) commenting on my La Vie en Rose post. Which practically turned me as crazy as one could be, just in case you forget, in the very first paragraph of that post I've written:

Now I just need to pray silently none of my friends read this.

Amen.

You may say my prayers went unanswered. And honestly, reading these comments from my friend freaked the hell out of me (duh, of course).


There's something not much people know about me, but now I'm gonna let the world know.

Ever heard of something called 'Philophobia'?

It's the fear of... anything love related, fall in love, being in love, being loved, and such.


Let alone being in a relationship.

I know it's ironic for someone as addicted to anything romance-related as me is afraid of being in love, but oh well, this isn't the first time I face this so...

Okay, I'll talk about this phobia later. Not really the point, although it is in some ways.


on with the story, I was so freaked out when I read my friend commenting, so I decided to just let the guy knows it from me instead of from the gossip, so after contemplating for minutes, I texted him (this is the exact words I sent to him, yes, I wrote him in english)

Look, what am I to you? Are we friends or are we more? For me it's the latter, though I'm still unsure about it. 

Anyway, I wrote it in my blog and one of our friends read it which means I'm practically dead.

Geez, why is it always me confessing and not the other way around? Stay friends aren't we?

Aren't I sound so cool? Blunt and bold and a little bit insane?


Guess what he said in his reply? lol. He only said one word, 


"Seriously?"


So I explained that I do, though I'm not in any state of a relationship, I enjoy being with him and I just tell him because I don't want him to know it from his friends instead of me. He answered that he feels the same but choose to take things slowly.


One thing I missed to explain though, that he's not the one and only I have in mind, I love hopping from one guy to another (which isn't a good habit but...), sure I enjoy his company, I love spending time with him and do something I've never thought of before, but there's so much more of the boys world I want to unveil and try.


Anyway, we've known each other's feeling, so is it that kind of open relationship? I don't know. I felt silly when I remember how my romance related stories always end up this way, do you think confessing your feeling to every guys you like is a good thing? lol.


I think I should be thankful that my crushes have a pretty smart mind (remember the best friend?). *phew*


and by the way, I think I miss the best friend. Now it's his turn to do the duty in the village for two months! Two months! Geez, I miss him muchies.


And and and! My brother is coming home today! Well... he's coming this morning, and this night he's coming back to the city he lives in. He's just plain crazy, really. He arrived here 7 in the morning and back there again 7 in the evening? I need more time to snuggle with him and his craziness...

I WANT MORE! lol :P





Not enough of our awesomeness?
Fine, I'l give you more.





I think he beats me in making faces, haha. He's pro.


And oh, I got my new phone already. Though I've been wanting for a 5530 (and actually still secretly want it now), but I and dad couldn't find it anywhere. So daddy dearest decided to just buy me this E63. Not bad ;D only less stylish, all the facilities I want in 5530 is actually owned by this phone too.





And my internet is BACK! The modem is working properly again! I don't know what happened, I mean, we didn't do anything! Really! Hahaha... I'm so happy!
Quite a long post to sum what happened in two days, isn't it?

edit.
Lol. So most people thought those pictures are of me and the crushies, no he wasn't, that's my dearest little brother there! ;D haha. I checked it and yeah, I didn't even explain who that is o.O my bad, lololol.

Growing Up

I just got myself a new haircut yesterday and took a picture of it using my webcam, and so when I opened the folder, I found the pictures of me these last three years. I couldn’t believe those pictures were taken in three years gap. I am changing, but not really. lol.





Do you see me changing from time to time?


I remember one day my friend came to my house and saw my baby albums, and she said, “how come your face never changes from baby up to now?” lol. She was of course hype things up, I mean, that’s not possible, right? lol.

Anyway, notice that in the pictures my hair is always short? This year I started off aiming to have at least a slightly longer hair, just because I want to know how do I look, and this is the latest picture of me with my hair and new bangs :P




Not bad, I hope. Heheh.

And by the way, growing up isn’t about facial change, right?

This is kind of different and scary to type about but I think I’ve found a… someone new? Well or so I hope.

Why scary to write you ask? Oh isn’t it always scary? Writing about someone you like/love/whatever, admit it, you want them to read it but you’re also afraid if they do really read it, lol.

Anyways, yes. I have found a new object of my affection. The last time I went out with the best friend, all feelings were different. It was still enjoyable and fun, and my heart, oh my dear heart still went boom boom when I saw him from afar, but there was a huge difference I felt I couldn’t fathom what.

And that time, I was sure we were back to be best friends.

The new guy? He had successfully swept me off my feet. Crazy… but ah, whenever I’m in love I’m always crazy, so… ah well… this one is just different.

And I think I’ll just talk about him in the next next next post.



♥

What Happy Life is

My definition of happy life?

1. Straight when I came back from the village, it was the best friend who picked me up.

2. Having a good quality time with him, we went straight to a mall even with my messy make-up, hungry face and (almost) inappropriate outfit.

3. Japanese food with him, and frozen yoghurt after that.

4. Him being not whiny like he usually is-at all, bet he missed me. I was gone for a month after all :P

5. He was nice actually, and did some gentleman gestures like carrying my luggage around the mall, instead of letting me did it. Heh-heh. (Yes, I just couldn’t wait a second to even take a break before going to the mall, I missed it too much! LOL. or more likely, missed him?)

6. Blogging, showing off the goodies I experienced in the village here :P

7. Had a good sleep, under my thick thick bedcover and kicked it in the middle of the night and pulled it back when morning comes.

8. Ramen, vodka and Pringles with my friends the day after.

9. Planning to go for a Karaoke with them soon.

10. Realizing that there’s no hidden feeling whatsoever anymore between me and the best friend and that it’s time to find someone new-and thinking that I’ve actually found one.



Those are my series of happy life list. Care to show me yours? :)

Of your soul and its mate

I just listened to the recorded conversation (again), but this time I decided to listen to the full version (yes, the full 2 hours or so version), somewhere in the conversation; we talked about soulmate.

I didn’t (or rather, couldn’t) really pay attention to what he said about it (for my heart was beating too fast and all), still... now when I listen to it again, I still can’t fully grasp it. As a hardcore fan of anything romantic, the concept of soulmate is still kind of too absurd to me, sure thing I’d love to believe that everyone was meant to be with their special someone, who no matter they go they'll end up with the soulmate anyway.

But how can we know that the one we ended with is our soulmate? What if somewhere along the road we gave up the relationship?

In the middle of this conversation about soulmate he stated that he wants to write a book about it, about love and soulmate, and knowing his poor ability to write and/or to express his thoughts in words, he asked me to help him. Now, that’s a nice future project, a book about love and soulmate? :)

No, not a story about love and soulmate, but more about its concept and thoughts about it so I might as well start the observation now, do you believe in soulmate?

ps. I texted him the other night and now after I let him know all my feelings towards him, everything seems and feels different, it gives me a funny feeling inside me, I couldn't even try not to write 'lol' or 'haha' in my every message. This is fun. Haha.

pps. Sorry for keep talking about this very occasion *sigh* I would stop if I could, but I think my brain is still left there, I'll get it back soon, really. (or not really). Hehe.

Artsy Pantsy Tiara

To say that I started 2010 with a hit is almost an understatement, everything seems so dreamy and whimsical to me, I mean… every single thing! Not only that confession day but the whole six days I’ve been through.

I gotta say that I never actually spend my New Year’s Eve outside the house, frankly, I spent my last three NYE in bed, it was whether I fell sick, raining hard outside or I was just simply too lazy. But this year started differently, I got out of the bed, leaving the comfort zone to a more fun place, with friends and lots of fireworks.

Me confessing my feeling to the best friend was indeed one of the hugest step, bravest act I’ve ever encountered. Even until now I still can’t believe I really did it. Every morning when I wake up I ponder that it’s another new day, and I wasn’t just dreaming or being delusional, all really happened.

Another huge step is this giveaway thing, my artwork finally being undiscovered, little by little.

So today I’ve decided to answer some questions about my artwork:

Mariella:
What inspires you when you make those drawings/paintings?

Organised Chaos:
What kind of things inspire your artwork ?

They kind of ask me a same question, right? Great minds think alike? ;)

My artwork is purely an imagination doing which most of all based on my feelings. When I’m feeling blue I’ll draw something kind of gloomy with gray colors and darker tone, and when I’m madly in love, you know how it’ll turns out to be, pink and all. lol.

My friends inspire me too, real things that happened in real life, and my thoughts about it. Basically it’s a brain and heart work, hehe.

Rika Safrina:
how long have you been drawing, and how did it start?

Sheri:
How long have you been an artist? Do you remember the first thing you created?

I learned drawing years ago when I was in the 5th grade, my friend taught me. She was such a blessing to me, she helped me find my artistic way, I wouldn’t be the same without her. She was an artist herself, and I think she saw the talent(?) in me, so she taught me, how to make nice line, curves, colors, gradations and all. Whenever she knew a drawing competition she signed me up, so I got used to it; that was how.

The first thing I created?
I don’t really remember, honest. It was almost more than ten years ago I believe. lol. I think it’s something about plane, because well… the first drawing competition I participated in was held by Garuda Indonesia, Indonesian national airlines.

Nikolett:

- What are some of your favorite artworks that youv'e made?

My favorites? I love all my artworks, but I love it more when I can make what I have in mind into a real piece, here are some:


I believe some of you had seen it before. It was made when I missed someone (Geez, and you should also know who he is), I felt him getting distant and I couldn’t help but missing him.


I just love how magical this picture can be, all the fireflies glow and the colors captured what I wanted to make perfectly. Before I made this I’ve been planning and plotting for days in my head, once I got my hands on my wacom bamboo and started drawing I just felt absorbed to it, once finished I felt so… accomplished.

Second question from her…

Do you find it easier to express yourself in words, in artworks, or by speaking your thoughts out loud?

in artworks I must say, everything can be so ambiguous here, and yet hold a lot of meaning. Not forgetting how heart and brain work so in-sync when I’m drawing, actually I often surprised myself at how my artworks turn out.

Though, not all people understand language of painting, and how a drawing can be so multi-interpreted.

Ceecile – Priscilla Clara

If you can describe yourself in a fantasy way, what will you draw to define who you are??? ^^

A princess of course! Haha, one who loves to runaway from the palace and walks in the crowd. One who is well-known amongst her people and is loved :P. And of course one who is hopelessly romantic and enjoys the palace ball like shopping :) who waits patiently for her prince charming to come.

Honestly dear, I wanted to keep this picture a secret. Other than the fireflies this is my other favorite. Just look at how romantic and whimsical the colors are. Not to mention how hard it was to imagine how is actually a dancing position is. Haha… So this can be counted as an answer to Nikolett’s question as well.

I hope you all enjoy this post :)

I’m still hangover but hey!

One very good thing about asking you to give me question for the giveaway (join now if you haven’t! Ha!) is now I have HEAPS of things to talk about, ha!

And in this post, I’ll answer Shirley and Nikolett’s side-question:

Shirley the toothfairy: When will you finally tell him alright?

Nikolett: Aw, toothfairy took my question haha :)

January 4, 2010 at 19.19 (a.k.a 7.19 PM) That answered the question.

But because Andhari and Nikolett demanded the more detailed story (as I hope the others will be interested to know too) – and I actually kind of want to share the story, so here it goes.

wait, before anything, I just have to warn you that this is a long fluffy post.

Okay girlies, this has got to be one of the biggest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I finally told him yesterday and it was quite fun – I might as well addicted to it, lol.

I fully know that I am an uber forgetful girl, so for this kind of occasion, one that I don’t really want to forget, I decided to taped/recorded it. I’ve been listening to our almost-two-hours recorded conversation multiple times now – and it still makes me feel all fluttery and giddy, I can say that I honestly still blush too.

Geez.

So we met, I told him I need his help for an interview, and apparently he – just like me – loves question, I bet he feels like a celeb too when he’s being interviewed, lol.

We talked about love and his vision about it, about friendship turns into love and all, do you really want me to tell you the whole four hours conversation? No, right? (yes, the recorded one is two hours, but entirely, including some random subjects, we were talking for four hours or so)

Skip that part, So to give you a little more detailed description, we were in a gazebo, second storey (yes, the gazebo has two storey!) laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, head to head, with the recorder in between. Alright, I just have to draw it, right? Use your imagination.

See, that’s how we look from above.

So when I felt the time is almost right, I asked him… Oh, and honestly, I waited until the clock strikes 19.19, lol.

Some parts here, I think in no particular order :D

---

Me: So I’ve been single all these while because I’m stuck, in love with only one person who is actually my friend, what should I do?

Him: Tell him then! Or else you’ll be curious all the time and stuck forever if you can’t find a better guy.

Me: Tell him? So what if I like you?

Him: Then tell me!

Me: Okay, I like you

Him: …

Me: What now?

Him: What?

Me: See, I’m stuck with this guy because I’m curious about him! (yes, I’m repeating the explanation here)

Him: Yep, and he’s your friend…

Me: Yea.

Him: Just tell him! Geez!

Me: Then what?

Him: Then see his reaction! You can’t know what he feels if you don’t tell him.

Me: Well I like you

Him: You who? Me?

Me: Uhuh…

*silencesilencesilence*

Him & Me: Hahaha… (awkward laughter)

Him: What to do now?

Me: I don’t know…

Him: Hmm… Well, I have a girlfriend

Me: I know, well actually you always do

Him: Yeah, so…

Me: Well I got it… but I just need to let you know, now it feels alright.

Him: But hey, you have to remember we still have time to answer.

Me: Oh come on! Don't make me confused! Yes or No!

Him: That's not me to decide! I may have a plan but there'll be a process, and during that time there'll be occasions, things will happen and there's fate only time can show the answer.

---

Him: Are you sad?

Me: No! I mean, well no! I’m not… but there’s a feeling… *blabbering here – the point is I was happy that I’ve succeeded telling him, but in a long blabbering way.

---

Him: But hey, never, ever think that after you tell me your feeling like this we're not friends anymore, okay?

Me: Ah! That’s actually one thing that kept me not telling you, I can’t bear losing a friend like you, I mean, losing you is such a loss, right?

Him: Of course! (after listening it multiple times I just realized how obnoxious this sentence is, lol)

---

Me: So have you ever liked me?

Him: Well… I don’t know, it’s all ordinary…

Me: Awww, come on! You should at least amuse me a little! Make me happy, you just broke my heart!

Him: *rolls eyes* Aaalriight… well, I like it when we have a conversation or just hanging out randomly

---

Me: Aren’t you surprised?

Him: Me? Not really?

Me: (o.o!) How so?

Him: Well, I can feel it you know, but I’m unsure of it, and that’d be ridiculous to ask you if you like me.

Me: Hmm…

Him: You’re great, you know?

Me: Why?

Him: That you finally said it, I’ve been waiting for the time you finally do it

Me: What the hell, you’ve known it all along?

Him: Well I do…

Me: *smack his head* geez

---

Him: Now you’re not curious anymore, right?

Me: Yea :)

---

At the end of our meeting I gave him the drawing, Although he couldn’t quite understand it, luckily I was still there.

Him: What’s with a tree?

Me: Actually the main point isn’t the tree

Him: Then what? *staring at the picture a long time*

Me: The fireflies

Him: What fireflies?

Me: Those yellow things are fireflies!

Him: Ooh!! I thought they were dry leaves falling from the trees!!!

Me: (-.-“)

---

He asked me to write something at the back of the drawing (and sign it, just in case I’m becoming a super famous painter later, he’ll have the honor to get it now), so I wrote… I actually don’t really remember but it’s something along this line:

"For fireflies always shine although short-lived"

Well, what I actually meant was that even if it might be temporary, this feelings I have for him does exist and is pleasing and enjoyable.

Later that night he sent me a text message:

”Thank you for the drawing, I’ll make sure the fireflies keep on shining for the tree”

Honestly I don’t know what he thinks of the picture, but that was one nice line from him, rarely happened I have to say, lol.

it feels almost like we were talking in codes.

---

This must be one of the loooooongest post I’ve ever posted.

I know this is blog and not twitter

But I only have this thing to say:

I’VE TOLD HIM

That’s all, thank you :)

Hahahahahahahahaha… I’m glad I did it.

More details later, okay ;)

So I told him Monday, January 4, 2010 - 19.19

ps: don't forget to enter my giveaway if you haven't yet :) CLICK HERE TO JOIN

Dear 2009

 

 

I still can’t believe that this year will really end so soon, like in… what? Seven hours?


This year has been a… fun one. I started blogging in littletiara blog this year, made some new friends, discovered the creative worlds, turning twenty, celebrating my birthday together with my friends’, realizing my feeling towards the best friend, went to Bali vacation, business talk, did some modeling,  lived a torturing life in the village…

Heaps of things happened this year, and thank goodness I have this blog where I can write it out to remember all those occasions.

I learned a lot, a hell lot this year.

And let’s not forget changing my layout like thousand times this year, hahaha.

 

So what are you going to do on the new year’s eve?

Well I’m currently still don’t know, it’s cloudy outside and I’ve been suffering from flu these two days, nose running, high temperature and sore throat, no fun. But I still want to have fun so let’s see… My mom and dad will go out after all, how can the elder spend their new year’s eve hanging out while I’m curling under the thick blanket watching some TV? No can do.

Well, maybe can do… if it’s really raining.

And I’ll celebrate this littletiara bloggyversary in two days, yes, it was born on January 2nd, and I have something in mind for you all dear friends and followers ;) so stay tuned.

And well of course, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Have a RAWR! ;P

 
Anyone has made a new year resolution yet?

Let’s see… Mine would be:

1. Graduating, of course
2. Get a life job, a fun one
3. Tell him (geez, you know what I mean)
4. Bake more cookies
5. Bake more cupcakes
6. Bake more
7. Make more new friends (online and offline)
8. Meet a bloggy friend
9. Create more artworks
10. write a better list

When it rains

I’ve always loved it when it rains, it gives me a calm sensation, makes me want to sleep (lol) and perfect for any romantic occasion, thoughts and daydreams. Listening to romantic song when it rains is one of my favorite things to do, along with… well… sleeping.

I didn’t like the rain that fell yesterday, though. Remember I was planned to meet the best friend and supposed to tell him? Rain fell soooo heavily and I just couldn’t get out of my house, nor my dad would allow me to do so. We did went to the VW jamboree though, but it's a different story. So I just sulked inside my room, trying to make some creative artworks, which surprisingly happened.

Don’t worry, I’m determined this time, so I’ll surely tell him. Probably after the new year. Sounds like a good plan, starting a new year with a broken heart, lol.

Another talk today, not so fun one; my mom entered my room (which is actually rarely happened) and asked me what I would be when I’m graduated. This question depresses me…

(one) I haven’t even done with my thesis, and to think about the final exam and all :( and my friend just texted me he will do his final tomorrow. FREAKING TOMORROW!

(two) I still don’t know, honestly, what I will work as, I don’t even want to think about it, but I have to, I guess. I thought of my online bookstore but I’m finding myself unsure about it, and selling my artwork? I still have to gain more confidence and financial bases, I don’t know what I’m gonna be and it scares me!

On a lighter note, anyone noticed the banner look a lot like my profile picture? Here’s the comparison:

My banner/header:


My profile picture:


LOL. I swear I didn’t do it intentionally! I just realized it today! Meheheheh… kind of cool :d now I only need to make my header pic pout her lips, lol. I think I was concentrating about something in the computer in that photo, why do I always have to pout when I'm thinking? Gah, unattractive.