There are plenty of things I have in my mind lately, the title kind of sum them up.
Oh, come on, who never thinks of love? I feel kind of stuck right now, stuck and anesthetized. I hate the feeling of nothing. I love nobody; I have a crush on no one, which means I won’t beam seeing someone just because I don’t have any feeling towards anyone.
This numbness bores me, seriously. It’s even worse than a broken heart. Not that I want my heart to be broken (yet again), it’s just that I miss the feeling of liking someone, the feeling of my cheeks turning red and I can’t help smiling when a certain guy passes before me, or when I steal glances slyly, or even the feeling of being caught off hand when I stare at him with a redden cheek on my face. Oh how I miss the feeling of loving. I just can’t seem to find a right guy to be loved right now.
True, I’m turning twenty pretty soon and I can’t stop myself from thinking about it. It’s not about the party (although sometimes I do think about what kind of party I should throw…). More of it is thinking twenty makes me realize that sooner or later I’m going to deal with life myself, I’ll have my own life, I’ll control it, and once again, not that I don’t control it right now.
I will soon be able to join twenty something blogger, realizing that this is my most productive time. Honestly, I hope my dreams should all be achieved in my twenty something year old. To tie the knot, to get a job, to own a family, to give birth, to hold a baby (or two?), to raise my child; it all should start in my twenty something.
Let’s see what I can do; finished my master before 24, get a job shortly after that, get married by 26, and have a baby around 27.
Now, let me promise myself to accomplish all that on my twenties.
Just as much as I love money, I need to save them, seriously. I’m starting to think that I can’t rely on my parents forever; there shall be times when they can finally rely on me. I may not ever be able to give them all they had given to me, but at the very least, I’ll try to keep the happiness within them.
I’m not gonna say that money is the cause of happiness, it isn’t. But I try not to be a hypocrite right now, whoever needs no money must be a holy someone. And neither me nor my family member is a holy someone, we need money just as much as you do, or maybe even more so.
I plan to continue my master abroad and I know really clearly that it will need money. I shall try not to keep bothering my parents, I know I still will, but at least, I make some contribution of my very own.
My parents never seem to be proud of what I’ve achieved in uni, not even when I got 3.6 points out of 4.0. That’s not the matter, though. Myself is the matter.
I am bored studying French literature, enough said. I stay just because
I’ve my parents have paid it, and I study harder because I need to must finish it as soon as possible, before I got too bored to carry on.
And I’ve vowed to myself to get it all finished by 2010.
Pray hard for me, baby!
Picture of The Post:
Don’t understand the message? Neither do I, lol.
No, I want you all to see my determination when I write this post, I am serious, yep. I’m glad to know that I have my life planned.
Other than that, I love my eyes ;P.