Konnichiwa and I think soulmate does exist

Just a week ago I finally went to Japan. I remember few years back I wrote that I really wanted to go there and Bangkok, yes! I can scratch them off my list now because I've visited them both!

I'm not really a huge fan of Bangkok, most probably because it looks and feel really similar with Jakarta, which I'm used to. But Japan... Oh Japan, what a beautifully absurd weird magical place you are!

I plan to write a more detailed post about this visit to Japan day by day, but just in case I forgot or just got carried away with life (like I did when I visited Seoul the second time), I'll write the highlight here first of what happened while I was there.

Day 1: Speedy Shinkansen and Busy Shibuya

I've heard of this speedy train since I was a kid, who would've thought I'd be given a chance to ride it one day? Feels sooo lucky! And indeed it was really fast! Like ultra super uber fast! Especially compared to the trains here back home.

I took a video when I rode one, and it was like I took the video on a time-lapse mode (while it wasn't!!!) WHOA! Hehehe... I feel like a such noobs but really, Japan is indeed steps more advanced in everything, lol.

Also, briefly visited Harajuku and Shibuya cross at night, most of the shops are closed when we got to Harajuku, but of course we could still shop in Daiso and Matumoto Kiyoshi, meheheh..

Day 2: Disneyland!

Oh the happiest place on earth, indeed! Mind you, this was the first time I visited any Disneyland, unlike you lucky fellow who lives in the US or Europe, Hongkong and Tokyo Disneyland is the closest Disneyland to my country. So please understand my giddiness arriving here. MWAHAHAH... The little kid in me jumped and soared and flied and shopped and GUH! Everything! Hehe..

Also, we got to see the crowded Tokyo subway in the morning, and by crowded I meant super-ultra crowded there's no more place to stand but you still have to enter the cars because the next subway is as crowded as this one.

Day 3: Senso-ji, Asakusa, Skytree, and Halaal Ramen

pardon my messy sweaty face lol

I met with a friend who's currently studying in Japan, so today, we're going to a popular temple in Asakusa. Met with some pretty girls wearing kimono and entered the temple. It really was a cool experience, although I didn't buy any lucky charm (because I'm pretty petty and I'm not sure what I want lol).

After that, we randomly decided to go to Skytree (just because we can see it from the temple) and walked(!) there! It was pretty far, but the scenery along the way is really pretty and clean, we went through some neighborhood and everything is just so cute!

And because we are muslim, it's kind of a challenge to find halal food in Japan (because most of them contains pork or alcohol). So my friend took us to Halal Ramen, yay!

Day 4: Shopping, shopping, and more shopping! (AKA Shibuya, Tokyo Station, and Ginza)

We dedicated this day to spend our money shopping! LOL, literally all we visited was stores after stores and areas with shops lined up. We spent most of our morning in Shibuya (again, because there are lots of shops there). then moving on to character street where we found souvenirs of almost all characters I've seen on TV on Sunday morning back then.

After that, we went to Ginza and visited GU (to buy some Sailormoon merchandise). And basically spent the rest of our night there.

Not sure if we have any pics of this day since all we did was busy shopping.

Day 5: Meet my bloggy friend: Mekkan, in Nagoya!

We rode Shinkansen again today, to Nagoya! 

This marks my short history of life, the day I finally met one of my very first bloggy friend: Mikari from My Hodgepodge. Totally didn't expect this to happen although I did inform her when I planned to go to Japan. Oh, what a happy day! I'm really totally overwhelmed with the fact that I actually met her! Will blog more details about this happy meeting in a separate post later~

We visited the Nagoya castle and Mikari, being local and volunteering as guide in the castle told me detailed stories about each place we visited, and it totally awed me how every single details have meanings, even the garden!

Also, we met NINJAS!!! Mwuahahahah...

I kinda wish I have spent more time in Nagoya with Mikari, it's really too bad that my time was limited and I had to go back to Tokyo again in the evening because we'll have to go back to Kansai the next day *sobs*

Next time I visit Japan, I plan to stay on more secluded area (compared to the busy Tokyo) like Osaka and Nagoya to experience the culture and interact more with people!

Day 6: Quick Shopping Spree and Going Back to Osaka

Because our flight will be at 11 AM tomorrow, we decided to go back to the airport in the evening and stayed the night in the airport (because who knows what kind of rush we will have to go through if we directly go from Tokyo).

So we did some (really) quick shopping spree in Harajuku and Shibuya until noon then heads to Osaka (with Shinkansen again!) and continued to Kansai to sleep in. Really fortunate that there are lots of spaces to rest in Kansai airport, also, lots of other travelers spending the night there like us, heheh...

Day 7: Going back home

Ah, the part I hate the most... I felt really sad riding the Shinkansen the day before just when the scenery passed by me, I really didn't want to go! It's actually not always like this when I travel. I guess this is the part where I talk about the soulmate I mentioned in the title. Just like Korea, Japan holds a really special place in my heart.

I'm not really sure how or why, but it just do, it clicks right in and fits like a glove. I think that's how it works with soulmate. I have traveled to some countries, but only Japan and Korea left me feeling sad and makes me want to go back for more with such strong pull. Of course I did enjoy the other countries (and cities) too, but... there's just something inexplicable... you know, like the bizarre concept of soulmate.

I guess that was it. I'll be back for more just like what I do with Seoul, got people questioning me why I travel there again and again, guess it's the chemistry between us that calls on me. Now, in addition to Seoul/South Korea, I have Japan on my list.

Hello Two thousand (sweet) seventeen!

Tomorrow will be my blog bloggiversary, if I'm not wrong (as far as I remember I started writing on this blog on 2nd January, but I kinda forget the year, I think... 2009?).

Year 2016 had been a ride, a wacky, weird ride, but really grateful of it. I think I'm ready to move on even further in 2017, yay! Hehe..

January

So what had happened? I visited some new placed and going traveling quite a lot. I started the year going for Umra to Mecca-Medina with my whole family. It's some sort of little pilgrimage for us Muslim. And although most of the time I feel like I wasn't worthy to be there, yet, I feel really thankful and emotional being able to visit the holy cities and places.

I am not your most religious person you'll ever  meet, so I wasn't really confident visiting all the holy places. It feels weird, I felt like a naughty kid visiting the principal office, you know that feelings? You know you've made a bunch of mistakes and somehow you have to go there, like it's an honor but you're not sure if you should be there. 

And when you were there, you were all nervous and shaky and afraid but then the principal just hug the hell out of you and whispers "it's okay, it's okay, you can still be a good kid," that was what I felt and for some reason, I cried. I mean, yeah... that was exactly what happened to me.

March

(pics not mine, found on pinterest)

Moving on to March, my birthmonth, I always spend it traveling someplace new, and last year I chose Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Originally I was about to visit Penang also, but then I got lazy and just stroll around KL instead, lol. Oh, and I went there with my Mom. She's becoming a traveler like me, haha.. now whenever I plan to go somewhere she will tag along, nah... scratch that, she travels more than I do now.. gee~

The food in KL is superb! I have not found anything I don't like. Like seriously, how can everything tastes sooo goood? Even their Burger King and McD is better than I have ever tasted anywhere in this world! Lolol.. but really, though.. (Maybe because I walked too much and got super hungry? Hehe..)

Anyways, it was a birthday trip well spent. I got really close with my Mommy and we got to take a lot of pics (because when I travel alone I never really remember to).

June

Around June (I think), something happened, I got unwell that I decided to go to the hospital to get it checked, turned out I have a cyst and it would be advised to have it removed through surgery. And starting from this point on, I should start my healthy lifestyle because this illness basically coming from unhealthy habit of a career women o(>___<")o like eating junk food and lack of fruit/veggies/fiber, too much meat and overheated food, grilled food, soda, etc and also stress. Also, because I am at the age of reproducing so my body is kinda ready but nothing happens to it so it causes an imbalance (it produces hormones that's gone to waste since I'm not reproducing yet, something like that..).

So I went through the surgery, healed properly (and surprisingly fast, since I'm actually not sick..) and now I'm living a healthier life. Food and everything, I can manage, now that I am aware of my condition, those MSG-filled food doesn't appeal to me that much anymore. Also, I try to always eat veggies and fruits. The one that's kinda hard to tackle is the stress one, which was actually the biggest factor I should avoid. 

Honestly, I thought of myself to be someone not really easily stressed out, I am someone who takes things slow and not force myself too much. But lately, job's been really hectic and I can feel myself stressing out and then I got even more stressed out because I know I can't be too stressed lololol... oh well this is hard haha..

I really like the job I'm doing right now, even though it's been a little stressful lately but the ambiance and atmosphere is nice, I also feel that my voice was heard and is useful, and that I contribute something to the company. When I first entered, it feels like I'm watching a baby growing up, because it literally was still a baby. It'll only be 2 years this year. So we're still wiggling and figuring things out.

It's actually really amazing to see, and I feel like the baby is growing up already, now it can walk and sometimes even run. Guess that's why it's been more stressing lately, because my energy can't keep up with it yet. But more than anything, I want to have my own baby too..

I've been thinking of resigning (again, but this time isn't because I don't like it here), and really focusing on my own business (drawing and artwork and everything). I've been drawing quite a lot this year, but since I can only create them on my free time (weekends, mostly), I feel like I haven't been really productive. Although this is kinda scary, too... since it's actually really risky... I'm not sure if I won't ever be bored doing that, for example.. hehe..

Also, I noticed most of my entrepreneur friends, they're starting to get bored with their business since it can already walk on its own, which is a good thing, actually. They just want to find something new to do, be it another new business or new activities. I'm glad that we're moving on and about, and not simply be satisfied with what we have but instead get hungry for more. I think it's a good thing.

I guess, at this age, we want to do anything and everything possible to us. Hopping to new chances and taking all the risks, at least that way, there'll be no regrets of not doing something. And I've been thinking, I should jump and take my leap pretty soon. So yeah, 2017 it is. Guess I'll stay until... Maybe March/April, or max June while preparing for the little business. After that, let's cross our fingers that I can run the business smoothly. I still have so many things to learn and I'm actually pretty excited about it.

So let's crush 2017 and make the most out of it! Let's go!

Marching On

March is my birth month, and it has proven itself to be mine to march on. After everything and all the drama (that hasn't quite ended yet, but no worry, nothing is too dramatic anyway). 

So I've finally gotten (two!) job offers, and I have yet to make a decision. Both companies are really different, and I still have to do some more interviews, while I've been accepted in the other company. Another huge difference is that one locates in my hometown, while another is in Jakarta, the huge huge city. Also, one is a small start-up company while the other is a big fast moving customer goods company.

The next interview in the big(ger) will be held next week, and I am honestly unsure of what I want. The possibility of working in this huge company in a huge city where it's hard to commute anywhere because, let's face it, Jakarta is the no.1 city with worst traffic jam in the world. Scary enough? 

While Yogyakarta, my hometown, despite being not-so-huge, is a totally homey place (like of course, it's my hometown anyway. You know, it has this traditional flavor, but still steadily following the trend and  whatever is popular right now. In fact, it has gotten more crowded the last few years (but of course, nothing compares to Jakarta).

Anyway, let's just cross fingers for the best, since the future is always so unsure I've decided to take one step at a time and enjoy everything in the progress, the point is, I am finally free from my current (soon-to-be previous) company. Hoho! I still have to gather up my courage to give the resignation letter (today!), to my manager, though. I've talked about it to my supervisor and now is the time for the manager.

In another note, my birthday is coming in FOUR days, gosh! I'm really getting old! And I will celebrate my birthday in the paradise island! Yes yes, Bali here I come! YAY! Apparently, I take marching on kinda literally this year. Let's go!

March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path.-Khalil Gibran

oh, my not so gliterry new year post

2015 started off quietly, and kind of nicely. But who am I kidding, only 5 days into the new year and I've already had a headache and this so-confused-and-tired-I-just-feel-like-breakdown-and-cry moment. I am sorry to post such a depressing blog post in a beginning of a new year where everything is supposed to be bright and cherry and filled with new hopes. But I guess maybe I'll just start this year with sorrowful and confused blog post, find a way to deal with it and leave everything behind, and fill the rest of the year with good things.

So what gives this depressing blog post? Uh, so here goes... something I've kept to myself (in the blogsphere, at least), I've been feeling uncomfortable in my work space, and have been looking for a new one so I can resign as soon as I can but have yet to get any call, which makes everything even more depressing. It feels like I'm losing a part of myself on daily basis, and that is not a good thing.

I would write a long rant about how I don't feel like growing here, or how I don't feel like anything, or that I simply dislike my boss(?) *he's not even my boss* but that would only bring more negativity... I mean, the fact that my other team-mates are already resigning speaks a lot, right?

I wonder if I should just go crazy and resign for the hell of it and be a jobless person and try to do business or something but of course I don't have the guts to do so (or do I?) because life isn't about sunshine and rainbows and unicorns but I sure do hope so.

Krissy wrote something about a dog sitting on a nail, kept sitting on it because it doesn't hurt enough yet. I remember this particular post clearly because I can totally relate to it, and I kept thinking about it, because it feels like I'm that dog right now and am whining and crying because I'm sitting on a nail. So why am I not moving away? Could it be because I am afraid I wouldn't get another seat? Or because I'm afraid of getting yet another painful nail to sit on? Or worse, have I became used to the pain? Why do I keep hurting myself?

Honestly, as I am writing this, I feel like crawling under my table and just cry because everything is so confusing and tiring, and I still can't find a way out yet. I don't know what do, not sure what I can do to make everything better, I'm just so.. lost.

Once again I'm really sorry to start the new year with a confused blog post, hopefully things will get better and brighter and I will find the answer I need soon.

So Maybe I'm Lonely

it's 8am here in my place and usually I am on my way to the office at this hour, but since today is a special case where I don't have to go to the office (I'll go to another place instead) I'll use this opportunity to revive this poor little bloglette.

I wonder, is blogsphere not so in anymore? Because it seems quieter here. Anyway, I'll keep writing, heheh...

So here I am working in a fashion retail company, away from my parents and friends but then again my friends are scattered anywhere anyway so no matter where I am I just have to accept the fact that things aren't the same anymore.

While I do have friends here in the office, it somehow feels different. Because everyone is married or dating or busy and here I am the lonely little woman trying to rack her brain on who to eat dinner together with.

Do I sound so pitiful? Er... sometimes I feel so. I mean, It was fairly easy before to hang out randomly and just call anyone to accompany me somewhere but now it's like the hardest task I've ever wanted to do.

Maybe it's me? Maybe I should be more... I don't know.. open? I thought I was open enough but maybe not really? Ugh... I'm not sure what my problem is. I feel kinda lonely sometimes here in this new place. And I'm getting bored of the same routines but at the same time have made it my comfort zone.

This is bad! I hate comfort zone! They stopped me from growing, and I shouldn't feel comfortable about it! Oops... sorry, do I sound like I am whining? Daymmm.. maybe I am >_<

anyway, I will try my best to update again soon, like... seriously I have so many things I want to share (or note down and remember) but I found myself too lazy to do so, and laziness is a bad thing and I should distance myself from it.

Guess I'll have to keep moving and going and running and crawling and swimming and everything!
Here's to a better today! *cheers* *clinks glasses*

note:
Wow, this is pretty random. I'm sorry! *BOWS*

When I have too much to talk about

So I wanted to update this blog yesterday with a continuation of my Seoul adventure series, then I found out that I accidentally deleted all my pictures in my Line Camera folder on my phone, and apparently I had no back up in my computer so right now I am wailing at the loss... *SOBS* I guess I will update tomorrow with some pictures from my instagram and other social media platform... but still...

anyway, there is Ied around the corner, which is a big holiday for us muslim, which means long holiday is approaching! WOO HOO~! Which explains all the holiday mood in the office, like almost everyone is too busy planning for the holiday instead (including me). Well fortunately I've finished all the to-do-list I gotta do until the end of the month so I am freeeeeeeeee~~~~~ °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

What else is new? Oh, I am planning to revive my littletiara/tiararisa artwork line after the long holiday. Been researching for some needed informations, so wish me luck with everything! And please do anticipate the comeback! Hehe~

Something about the job and office? I'm doing good, I still can do whatever they want me to do and I can start enjoying the job (not that I didn't enjoy it). But of course, me and my never ending list of needs will forever seeking for a way to earn more, so yeah, that's where my artwork is coming to. (◍•ᴗ•◍)

Also, I've been trying new stuff and media to draw, it's always fun experimenting. I've been trying out with water colors and water color pencils, weee... so fun! The result is (of course) different from what I've been doing and it gives a pretty nice feeling trying and creating something new. Well, I am forever seeking and creating and evolving my style, so I have to learn to accept my own ever-changing style, I guess. (◡△◡✿)

I wanted to show my new artwork off but I have no scanner around me right now so.. ugh...

another dilemma I've been having for quite some time now is if I should buy a new phone, or a new camera, or just save the money for more travelling (lol) aish.. I can't seem to make up my mind... *SOBS* Even about travelling I can't decide where I wanna go, Korea (again, of course), Japan, or Bangkok? Aish, If only I were a billionaire I've flown to those places already.. aigoo aigoo..

Oh oh oh... another thing! I have this tiny liiiiittle crush here in my office! YAY! (eh...) I mean, I have someone to look forward to whenever I go to work, hehe~ found this cute little eyecandy and ughhh... I feel like a high school facing her crush all over again, dayummm... I still haven't found a way to even know his name so... uhmm.. :|

okay, so this post is everywhere and going nowhere I know. I guess it's just another life update post? Lol, I originally wanted to do some make up review, or showing you my HG list of make up, but eh.. that has to wait.

Life update, I missed you!

Good day everyone, how long has it been since the last time I shared you my life update? Soooo many things had happened I barely have time to update my dear little bloglette. Also, most of my bloggy friends are so busy to update too so it seems more quiet here in the blogsphere lately. I gotta do some more blog-walking so I can meet more new friends. People, wait for me!

Anyone noticed I changed my layout a little? I want to revamp this blog but I guess things are happening slowly, well.. one step at a time, I guess? How do you like it so far? Is the title too pale? Can you actually see it? I wanted to make something watercolor-ish because that's what I've been doing lately with my artworks. I also want to restart my artwork little shop, it's been idle somehow :( but I promise I will force myself to create artworks from time to time. Because there's no such thing as not enough time, it's just a matter of priority, right?

I missed doing a lot of things I used to do now that I've found myself a job. The job itself isn't so hard and also kind of fun. I've landed myself as a visual content in a fashion retail company, how does that sound? Nice, right? It is. But honestly speaking, I need a lot more than the company pay to fulfill my heaps of needs of clothes and make up and gadgets (lol). More importantly, my passion towards art and creating stuff is still alive and kicking and it's not going anywhere anytime soon. I want to keep it alive, I have to keep it alive. While the work I do in the office is somehow artsy, it is still not enough. So here I am reliving the littletiara artwork line. I'm thinking of changing the brand 'littletiara' to my name, tiararisa. How do you like it? (I wonder if anyone is even reading this post, lol).

So how's life been treating me? So-so. I'm still on my training days until next month. I'm honestly still thinking if I was meant to be here, I like the job, but it doesn't bring the most of me, that must be why I keep on seeking of time to create artworks. Sadly, sometimes I'm too tired (and lazy) to do anything when I got back from work. But now, I will promise myself not to be too lazy anymore. You know the feeling of not doing enough? Funnily it's not for my boss because they all seem satisfied with my work, it's not doing enough for myself, because I know what I'm capable of but I'm not doing enough to let them shine.

I watched 2NE1's concert! (Okay, this is so OOT but whatever, lol I will find a way to connect it). It was super cool. Super crazy, everything was amazing but the most remarkable for me, other than the super cool lighting and stage was the performance of 2NE1's leader CL. I just have to talk about it! She seems sooooo very happy to be on stage, it was like she was born to perform. Her smile was so wide and it shows how proud and happy and satisfied she was to perform in front of us. I want to be like her, to be genuinely happy doing what she likes best. Of course, all of the girls were stunning and adorable, too!

I miss the happy feeling of finishing my artworks, and someone ordered it and received it and show it off to their friends and colleagues. It wasn't much, but to create something useful to make someone's day brighter, isn't that a really nice feeling? No wonder CL looks really happy, the energy of her fans that filled the arena transferred to her and her team. We were all really happy to be able to share the same place with 2NE1, the happy energy, how huge it must be?

Also, I miss speaking English T^T this sounds so weird, right? So other than creating graphics and visuals for my company website, I also contribute in writing some blog-content. But they're all written in Bahasa. And I can't find anyone who can converse English here with me T^T. I'm afraid  my English is becoming dull, so I figured that means I have to write more english, right? To keep my actively speaking English. I know I know this sounds so weird, I myself didn't think there would be a day I would complain about the lack of speaking English in my life ever, lol.

Other than working and watching a super-exciting concert, trying to create more artwork and struggling to keep speaking English, life's beeen normal. I've been purchasing lots of make ups (lol), and I plan to review them soon. Most of them are Korean products (like of course) but I also purchased an NYX lip cream, and a japanese mascara. So yeah, lots of things to talk about, eh? ;)

I missed you  guys, I hope you missed me too (heheh...) I will try to update more frequently! Ah, wish me luck with everything!

it's been an honor loving you

I am always someone who loves being in love, who loves loving. For me, being in love is a pleasure, a happy journey, and exciting adventure. Whenever I decided to be in love, I know the risk and tried my best to only fall for the ones worthy enough. But of course, love is love and it's as unexpected and unplanned as it is. And when I got my heart broken, or falling out of love I remind myself that I chanced it upon myself, that it was always good while it lasted, that it had brought so many smiles upon myself, that no matter how short it was, it gave me happiness and let me know someone better than I thought I would.

Being in love is never a bad thing, even during the confusing time, even when I'm crying because of it, even when a relationship ends, even when it's an unrequited love, being in love is never a bad thing. The lesson learnt, the memories captured, the happiness within, everything would only be there when I am in love.

Being in love scares me, because it is beautiful and mind-blowing and overwhelming and exciting and everything. Because being in love brought me all the feelings and emotions I wouldn't experience when I am not in love. How many times have I fallen in love? I can't even tell because honestly I've lost count of it. How many times have I fallen out of love or got my heart broken? I'll never be able to tell because of course, I don't know... why would I keep track on such sad occasion?

It's been an honor loving you. The fact that I love you is a proof enough how wonderful you are at least to me. How you got me smiling ear to ear and maybe even invaded my dreams shows how great of a person you are, how you've brought me happiness no matter how small.

So here I am thanking you, you, and you. For the happy times, for the memories, for the smiles, for the fun midnight chats, for the red blush on my cheeks, for smelling good on our dates, for the silly selfies, for the warm hugs, for the tickling little kisses, for everything, thank you for letting me love you, it's been an honor loving you.

it's a wrap!

I can't believe, well... I can, but I find it hard to believe that here we are in the last day of 2013 already. Am I ready for 2014? I'm not sure if I do, but I have to so yeah! I'm ready, bring it on! And here's  what a typical year-end blog post gonna be like; reminiscence, and a bucketful of wish. 

Let's see... this year I have...

1. Graduated from my master degree.

It's hard to believe that I actually wrote both of my graduations in one blog. This blog is almost 5 year old! It witnessed everything I've gone through, including the tiring thesis-making and nerve-wrecking thesis defense. To think that I've survived those, I think I should give myself a pat on the back.

2. Still fighting for the perfect job.

I have failed so many times in a job seeking process, it's a good thing I have taken a little vacation for myself to South Korea so I am a little bit calmer. But then again, failing is never a good feeling, there were times when I questioned myself if there is something wrong with me that I kept on failing. Was it my lack of experience? was it my master degree? Was it my personality? What is so wrong?

The good thing about this is knowing that as many times as I've fallen, I've successfully stood back and strive for another chance. This is tiring, and knowing that I'm not giving up on this (because of course, I can't, I won't, ever), I can give myself another pat on the back.

3. Officially became an illustrator.

 

When my cousin asked me if I want to illustrate for his book, I was estatic about the fact that I would finally be an illustrator who actually does illustrate books. The experience was insane, the recognition was something I would always remember to be thankful of. The feeling when I had the physical book in my hands, and to turn the pages and see my own illustration there is still so overwhelming. 

More importantly, the more chances I got to improve myself through another contract, when I was asked to illustrate another book, followed by other books. It felt so fulfilling, although I know I'm still far from what you can call a professional illustrator. But eh, I'm on my way there! So I will give myself a pat on the back and a cheer for being able to get closer to one of my biggest dreams.

4. Solo traveling to South Korea.

Korea oh Korea, there is something about this country that made me fall so hard for it. It wasn't even the famous k-pop stars because no, I'm not. I won't even recognize them if I ever see them on the street except if they're YG artists or really super mega famous (like, you know, Girls Generation-but I doubt they'd be walking on the same street I walk on, lol).

Maybe it's the cosmetics? Yes yes, and all the shopping-spree I can do there, but more than anything, I think it's the aura, and the people I met, and the adventures I had. I still want to come back there again. I think I should just make it to my yearly plan; visiting Korea every year. I would love to visit other countries too, I want to know if they also have the same strong force like Korea does.

To be able to survive in a foreign country alone, to have created precious memories, to have  made new friends, I will give myself a pat on the back, great job, Tiara!

 

5. Fallen in love, fallen out of love, fallen in love again, yeah.. that cycle.

That's just me being me. The ever so emotional me. I don't think I can survive without feeling either falling so very deeply in love or being hurt so bad I want to kill myself (eh, never to that extreme actually). So yeah, I wonder if this should make a cut here but well, it's kinda a highlight of my year too. Haha...

And with 2014 approaching in less than 24 hours, what would be on my wish list?

1. I want to fall in love, so very deep in love it will inspire my every moves. I want to find the one, he who will make me cry one time and laugh another time and both at the same time.

2. I want to find a job. Like please. I want to know where do I belong in this society. I want to prove to myself that I actually can do what others expect me to do. I want to find a way to be financially independent before 25, please.

3. I want to travel more, to South Korea again because it's on my yearly planner, Japan so I can buy the famous greentea flavored kitkat, Europe so I can walk down all the artistic aisle. Most importantly, I want to do it with my loved ones and it doesn't actually matter where, as long as I can get lost with him.

Traveling solo is fun, but please, I also want to have a romantic getaway with my boyfriend to a country far far away where nobody knows us so we can do whatever we want without having to think about what others would think of us.

4. I want to illustrate more. I would love more chance to paint, draw, and illustrate. But here, what I'm actually asking for is an inspiration and strong-will. Because my own laziness is something that kills me, giving me such a guilty pleasure that I will eventually regret. 

I want to be inspired, to see life in a new light, to discover new things that excites me, because lately I've been feeling that life is getting boring. This is clearly not a good thing. So I have decided to start from smal things like making illustration for my blog posts. I hope this will work on forcing myself to draw, just like what I do with this post, I hope I can continue with this little commitment.

5. I want to find myself. I am at this age where I feel lost almost everyday. I am maturing but I found myself retreat back to my comfort zone whenever things get ugly. I want to jump out of that, to take every challenge and dare myself. I want the chance to do that, either given or created by myself. I want to be braver, and forgive myself, and knowing myself more, and enjoy life.

So basically, all I want now is for 2014 to be an upgraded version of 2013. I want to achieve more, feel more, travel more, laugh more. Phew, I feel like this post is a pretty serious one, while I originally wanted to make a fun post with cute emoticons and all. Haha...

Taggity Tag Tag

I'm here I'm here! I feel so bad abandoning my blog (and my life, actually) but I'm back! slowly but (kinda) surely! Do you see the little change I made to the header? and yes, the blog is wider now, kkk~ not sure if it's a good change, do tell me what you think about it.

Anyways, I wonder if you still want me to continue telling you about the journey I had in Seoul? Since it's been a little bit too long, I hope you still want to hear about it, though, but for now I just got this Liebster award from the girl in stiletto so yes! Let's do this first.

So here are the rules:

1) Link back to the blogger who nominated you.
2) Answer the 11 questions given to you by the blogger who nominated you.
3) Nominate 5 other bloggers with less than 1000 followers.
4) Go to the blogs you nominated and notify them of their nomination.
5) Give your nominees 11 questions to answer.

Clear enough? Uh, I'm not sure about giving 11 questions because I'm getting less creative these days, meh... anyway, let's answer the questions she gave me~

1) What is the sweetest nickname someone ever called you?


Uh... This is hard... nicknames? Ahhh... >_< the only thing I can think about is 'girlfriend' but that was from my ex and thinking about him now doesn't make it sound so sweet, but yeah, it was sweet while it lasted, lol. I'm not sure anyone ever call me with sweet/cute nicknames. LOL.

2) Who is your current celebrity crush? (Hohohohoho)
 
Let's see... I'm so gonna cheat on this because I have a lot. First and foremost, my forever hero, Johnny Depp. Hahahahahha...

and TOP from BIGBANG because he's just so hot and cold and silly and stupid and weird at the same time.

then GD from BIGBANG for his weird fashion sense and his ability to pull just anything off, I swear he can just wear a rug and still look decent. I mean, who else could rock all the weird hair colors with weird cut and weird outfit? GD and only GD.

And last but not least, CL from 2NE1, forever my girl crush, yay! Because she knows how to look cool and classy, and so fashionable like GD, I swear if they're married their kid would have SWAG all over the little baby blanket. LOL. I mean, look, they even wore same outfits multiple times, guess great minds do think alike (or they share the same stylist).

3) Name 5 things you can never leave the house without.


As long as I have my clothes on then I'm good, tbh. I'm really this kind of practical girl, but if you ask me about going on a date or going out with a crush then it'd be a different story. Basically here are the stuff I love to always wear when I'm not too lazy:

- BB cream
- Eyeliner
- Cellphone
- Wallet
- Soft lens/ contacts


4) Would you rather bungee jump or sky dive, and why?

BOTH PLEASE!!! YES! Because I love fflyyyyyyyyiiiiiingggggg~~

5) What's your favorite month? And why?

Hmmm... March? Because it's my birthday month and it's spring so I can go to japan and enjoy sakura, haahahhahahahha #what

6) Any pet peeve?


Oh, a lot, but now that you ask about it I can't think of any. I will tell you later when I remember, haha.

7) What was the last song you listened to?


Uh oh... it's this song in bahasa so I'm not sure if you can understand, it's called 'Terlatih Patah Hati' from the Rain ft. Endank Soekamti, basically, roughly transated it would mean 'Trained to be heartbroken' but honestly it's more like 'got used to be heartbroken'. Anyway, despite the title, it's a cute song about well, yeah, getting used to be heartbroken, I wish I could translate the lyrics because it's a light cute song, like thanking all the ex-s, and how I've experienced one-sided love, etc etc haha...


8) If you're a color, what color would you be, and why?

Fuschia baby, because it stands out annoyingly but then again you just can't help to love it because it's pink. xp

9) Dog or goldfish?

goldfish, because I'm not sure if I can take a good care of dog, but honestly, cat. hahahah..

10) What do you get complimented most about?

hmmm... how 'cute' I am? lol xD as in how I look 5 years younger than my actual age. Other than that, I think for my artwork ^^

11) And lastly, what's one thing on you Christmas wish list?
A job, please. (and CLIO lipnicure lipstick, and Laneige cushion BB cream, and a whole lot of other make-up related stuff).

 

Now for the tagging, since I haven't been around much lately, I'm not sure of who to tag. Can I just ask whoever visit my blog and read this and willing to answer to be the nominees? Please?

And here are the questions:

1. Lipstick, Lip stain, or colored lip balm? Why?
2. 3 cities you want to visit (or revisit)?
3. The weirdest dream you've ever had and still remember until now?
4. What is your favorite makeup brand?
5. Which one do you enjoy reading the most? Travel blogs, Beauty blogs, or Fashion blogs?
6. Pink or Black? Why?
7. When is your last heartbreak?
8. Tell me about your first love?
9. Who taught you to do make up?
10. First country you travel?
11. To combine with a dress, sneakers or high heels?

Yay! Done! I hope someone will be interested enough to answer all these questions. If you do, please tell me!

Seoul Adventure pt.2

I am back with the continuation of my first day in Seoul (OMG and it's gonna be a looooong series since I spent 10 days there, but really everyday I found something interesting I just have to share them with you, or at least write the stories here so I won't forget it later ;))

So after being a freak in the hostel (hopefully I scare nobody), I decided to ventured a little trying to find YG building (K-pop fans will know this, basically an agency building, a home to K-pop stars 2NE1 and Bigbang -and PSY too!), but me being myself just had to be lost even though later I figured out that the building is soooo close to my hostel. 

Since YG building is nowhere in sight, I just shrugged it of and go to Myeongdong to shop, and secretly, I wish to miraculously Frank from Thailand because that'd be so cool to find him in the crowded Myeongdong. Honestly, I think I saw him somewhere in the subway station but I wasn't sure if it was him (since he looked like a Korean) meh, I should've just tapped him on the shoulder or something, right? I'm always regretting things I didn't do *sigh*

anyway, I had no exact plan so I just wandered around and went back with some shopping bags in hand (I just can't resist the temptation to shop eeeeeeeehh...) I did a little more browsing about how to go to YG once I was back at the hotel and figured that I made a wrong turn earlier, so I tried once again in the afternoon.

And ta-daaaaaaaaah! I found it! Hahahahahahaha... I didn't meet any of the K-pop stars, though (like, of course... why would they be on the street?) but the building itself oozes a very strong aura (hahahahahaha... this is the fangirl in me talking). The shape of the building is so coooooool~ (and weird, but cool), and of course I just had to pose in front of it to make my friends cry because I'm mean like that~.

One of the best thing about my hostel is that it's so close to the Han River, that much I know, but again, the question of how to get there isn't in my dictionary. So after taking numerous shots in front of YG building I walked a random path and of course, went nowhere *sighs*. Well, I went back to the hotel, asked Patrick, a fellow artist from Germany who's been living for about a week before I came, and he gave me the right direction. Turns out I went to the opposite way before, no wonder it led me nowhere. :|

Anyways, finally! I present you! The Han river! It was so serene around here, I would love to go down to the riverbanks but it looks a little scary so eh, I just sat on the bench and had a nice time thinking about random stuff while enjoying the sunset. It was a really pretty sight, but cold, haha so I decided to go back.

On my way back, I met this old man and a little boy, the old man surprisingly spoke english so well! Turns out he lived in the US for 5 years, eeh~ no wonder! We had a really nice chat, he just came back from the Han river too, drank some wine and read a book (that seriously sounds really nice, right?) while the little boy (he told me he wasn't his grandson but didn't explain further) played around and drank milk. He asked me why I was alone, and asked me if I wasn't afraid since I was a girl and it would be dangerous for such a little girl like me to wander around alone, and I think I gave him a surprise when I told him I was 24.

His name is Mr. Yang, and he lived in a huge apartement building near my hostel. He was so kind to offer me a dinner (I declined, because eh, I didn't know him that much and he was the one who told me it would be dangerous for a girl like me to go out with a stranger) and even gave me his number just in case of emergency, too bad I couldn't contact his number (I'm not sure why, we checked so many times and it didn't work). He even thought of hooking me up with his cousin but then he realized that I was too young (his cousin was 40 something, lol). 

I think I've posted this picture before, that tall building is where Mr. Yang lives.

It was so random, but so fun and meaningful to me. It was my first day there and I felt kind of lonely, and suddenly I made a new friend randomly just by walking to a river. We never met again after that, and I couldn't contact his number even after I came back here in Indonesia, but I really would like to thank him to make me feel welcomed.

the little boy, he was so shy I had a hard time taking pics of him

The journey continued to dinner time, I was having a hard time honestly. I don't eat pork, and I was alone, and I couldn't speak korean while most of the things are either made of pork or served in a huge plate to eat together with friends, and most definitely written in Hangul. While I can actually read hangul (korean alphabet), I still couldn't understand them so it was pretty useless, lol. Anyway, I ended up in a small sushi restaurant.

The owner was so kind, he knew I wasn't korean, and that I was clueless, and I think I looked a little bit too lost, lol. So he took care of me really well, he showed me how to eat my meal properly, gave me bonuses on side dishes and even gave me an extra bowl of soup. I am not really an eater, I can't even eat that much, but the look in his eyes while serving me and trying his best to talk to me and kept me accompanied, I willingly forced myself to finish the meal.

I remember almost choked on my tears feeling the great care from him. It was my first day, I hadn't made any friends yet and I wander alone, I was lonely and he made me feel at home and welcomed and all the warmth took me by surprise I cried. I really did, a little and secretly, though. 

Ah! He also told me I was beautiful, and I remember I was surprised since well, I know I wasn't. I mean, I just came back from a long walk, I was sweaty and my hair was a mess, I didn't wear any make up, I was on my most vulnerable state and he said I was beautiful, I seriously felt like hugging him. I knew he could've just said it because it was one of the things he knows how to say in english, but whatever the reason was, I was so thankful.

A friend posted this on Path and I just couldn't hel to think of how true this is. Life is weird like that, blogging makes it weirder, it allows me to share my deepest secret with strangers I've never met before (and probably will never meet other than virtually), travelling makes it even weirder, I got to be lost with people I have no idea about and have fun with them, what if they were criminals? What if they were a bad man? And when we just got closer, we had to separate going to our own ways, most probably will never meet again but at the same time had created their share of stories in my book.

I remember I've written about how life feels like riding on a train that runs in a constant speed. Doesn't matter how beautiful or scary the scenery outside, it will all pass. And the most I can do is just taking pictures of everything so I won't forget what I've passed through and will be able to learn something from everything. So later on, this little bloglette will be an album filled with pictures and stories, hopefully interesting enough for me to share to my friends and families and kids and grandkids.

Where am I?

In less than 24 hours I will be graduated, a certified MBA completed with the Toga and the graduation ceremony (including waking up super early in the morning to get the make up done). Since this is the second time I graduated, it feels less thrilling. And a bigger responsibility come with this, I'm in yet another life gate and so what's next? 

It certainly feels like a deja vu, I've experienced this two years ago when I got my Bachelor. I'm out of school, and another road called 'REAL LIFE' is spread out wide in front of me, with so many options with the responsibilities and risks; and most importantly, no U-turn, no coming back.

Which is hella scary.

Sometime this morning when my mom was reading the invitation for the Gala dinner she said "so it's time for you to start looking for a job" and I can't agree more, but what I had in mind was "Oh, but I've bought a ticket to Korea instead."

Is this a bad thing? I certainly don't think so, I might be wrong but this is what I believe; I'm living my life, while I'm still young and have lots of free time. I need to enjoy life before I start my career (more likely, my 9-5 life). That's my argument, but of course I can see my mom opposing to it, probably thinking I'm wasting my time (well I might be), but I hope to find more than just the pleasure of vacationing, I wish to discover more of myself.

I'm a serious contradiction of myself, I'm both this and that, I know everyone feels so about themselves too. In my case, I'm so contradicted that I confuse myself. It somehow feels like I'm not doing a good job of being me. 

Everyone knows me as the cute girl next door, a girl with a bright smile and positive thoughts, which I actually am. But I feel them cringing when discovering about the other side of me, the one that actually pretty naughty and wild, and because of that, I restrain from doing so, but that makes me feel bad about myself and makes me want to run away and disappear.

What's with all the social pressure that I have to get a job and get married after I finish school? Sure I want to do that, but there's something bugging me. Am I getting a job and getting married because other people do so? Am I getting a job because I need money? Or am I getting a job to prove that I am capable of something? Am I getting a job to use my full potential to earn for living? Am I getting married to show people that I, too, can find a guy and be loved? Am I getting married so I can have a huge party? Am I getting married because I'm in love? And what is love indeed? There are so many reasons, and some of them aren't supposed to be reasons of getting a job and married. 

It's not like I don't need money, or don't want to get married, because I do! I certainly do! The shopaholic here is in constant need of money to buy all the make up and new clothes and shoes and even tickets. The helpless romantic in me is dying to wear a wedding dress and staring at the eyes of the one I love while saying the vow to last forever and actually doing what I've promised to do (to last forever).

But I need to sort things out first, finding answers to my own questions, starting with myself, which is a messy question mark.

To be very honest, this is the first time in a long time I wrote my internal thoughts, I used to do this in the past, but I guess I'm afraid people will see me as someone bitter when they used to think I'm a sweet one; while in fact I am both. Holy crap I start to think I've been living a lie and a facade. Thank goodness for this blog that I got to write a diary and let people see that, it makes me feel better.

You may or may not agree with me and my thoughts, so you're all welcome to give me your 2 cents (or more!)

“The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe.”

—	Gustave Flaubert.

Sometimes I Wish My Life is a Korean Drama

Or just any random TV drama for that matters (but Korean dramas are prettier, lol). I mean... You see, I have this story to tell so prepare your popcorn and coke and sit like a good girl that you are...

I can't believe I actually do write this, lol... it's just that... I have to get it off of my chest. I went grocery shopping yesterday, and I met like the cutest manly guy I've ever seen randomly in one of the aisles. This is going to be soooo cheesy but since the first time I laid eyes on him I know I was interested in him. 

Now, it doesn't mean I want to bang him right then and there but you know... I think my eyes went sparkly and I went red and I guess I felt like a 15 year old girl with a crush all over again.

It's been looooooong since the last time I actually fell for a guy, not that I fell for him already during the first few seconds I saw him, heck I didn't even know him; but as I've said, I was interested, very much, thank you.

But what are the chances of me coming up to him and start a conversation? Guess what? Zero. I mean, wait... we did converse a little. He said "excuse me," because I was standing in the middle of the aisle (and I did it intentionally, psstt...) and I said, "Ah, yeah..." and moved. HEY! At least we conversed!!!  

Now this annoys me, because who was the one saying "So you have this a little tiny bit too huge crush on that guy across the room? So you want to be close to him? Where do you think staring will take you? Nowhere, yes. So move your lazy ass off and say hi to him and let the magic works."? Me. And who got chickened out when the situation happened? Yours truly, yes.

I seriously feel like kicking some tables right now, I should've been braver. Because it was clear he knew I was stalking staring from afar, heck he even caught me off guard a few times and I was just standing there like a stupid fish with a silly face. But at the same time, the idea of coming up to him and start a conversation still sounds ridiculously absurd even until now. We're strangers for goodness sake! But then again, I was once strangers with my ex too. *starts kicking doors and flipping tables*

ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ)

I mean, look... I don't know who he is, and chances are maybe he already has a girlfriend, but who cares about that? The point here is that I had proven that things are always easier said than done and that I'm a chicken.

(´ヘ｀;)

Now if only my life is a Korean drama, I would be given a second chance, he would find this blog and read this post and we would somehow miraculously meet again (don't ask me how, that's what happened in Korean dramas!) and ta-daahhh happily ever after.

Unfortunately, my life isn't a Korean drama, and I'm not a Korean actress, well, I'm not even a Korean in the first place.

Moral of the story is: next time you find a cute random guy whose face you think you can't take off of your mind even after 24 hours, find an excuse to talk to him, just anything; economy, politics, whatever! Just so you won't regret things. *sighs* (+_+)

p.s. and isn't it so appropriate that the grocery shop decided to play "Falling in Love at a Coffe Shop" by Landon Pigg yesterday? I mean, yeah... -I think that possibly maybe I'm falling for you...- gotta change the title to "Falling in Love at a Grocery Shop", though.

p.p.s. I guess if they played "Call Me Maybe" I might as well flipped the cashier, lol.

p.p.p.s. And how does finding things like this on Tumblr help me? *flips tables for the many times on this post*

A Friendly Reminder

Get dirty, get fucking filthy, get poor, get off your ass, get desperate, get dangerous, get ville, get romantic, get fucked, get moving, get productive, get proactive, get your own life, get doing something, ANYTHING. 

Because before you know it, you're 40 with kids, a mortgage and responsibilities that cause your fun to come second. 

So before cancer, before children, before 50 hours work weeks, before back and knee problems, before school loans, before you lose your sense of humor...

FIGHT 

Fight and fuck and run and smile 

Smile because the older you get, the less you will 

So yes, quit being such a goddamn pussy, because bitching and whining and worry never make anything better. 

I was reading my old post and found this, and so far, this is still my favorite reminder. Because this is so true, and because hell, just do whatever you want to do goddamnit!

So you have money and want to run away somewhere you have no idea about? Turkey? Mongolia? Russia? New Guinea? GO!

So you can sing and want to create a band? DO IT! So you have this a little tiny bit too huge crush on that guy across the room? So you want to be close to him? Where do you think staring will take you? Nowhere, yes. So move your lazy ass off and say hi to him and let the magic works.

Who cares if you made mistakes? That's how you learn anyway, you'll make mistakes either way. You'll get hurt, you'll be lied to, you'll lie, you'll regret things, you'll cry silently, you'll cry out loud, you'll be angry, you'll fall, but most importantly, you'll survive and learn and get better.

Enjoy your life because you know you only live once and the only way you can do about it is to live it to the fullest. Because like they said, in the end the things you'll regret are those you didn't dare to do. So do it! Just freaking DO it!