oh, my not so gliterry new year post

2015 started off quietly, and kind of nicely. But who am I kidding, only 5 days into the new year and I've already had a headache and this so-confused-and-tired-I-just-feel-like-breakdown-and-cry moment. I am sorry to post such a depressing blog post in a beginning of a new year where everything is supposed to be bright and cherry and filled with new hopes. But I guess maybe I'll just start this year with sorrowful and confused blog post, find a way to deal with it and leave everything behind, and fill the rest of the year with good things.

So what gives this depressing blog post? Uh, so here goes... something I've kept to myself (in the blogsphere, at least), I've been feeling uncomfortable in my work space, and have been looking for a new one so I can resign as soon as I can but have yet to get any call, which makes everything even more depressing. It feels like I'm losing a part of myself on daily basis, and that is not a good thing.

I would write a long rant about how I don't feel like growing here, or how I don't feel like anything, or that I simply dislike my boss(?) *he's not even my boss* but that would only bring more negativity... I mean, the fact that my other team-mates are already resigning speaks a lot, right?

I wonder if I should just go crazy and resign for the hell of it and be a jobless person and try to do business or something but of course I don't have the guts to do so (or do I?) because life isn't about sunshine and rainbows and unicorns but I sure do hope so.

Krissy wrote something about a dog sitting on a nail, kept sitting on it because it doesn't hurt enough yet. I remember this particular post clearly because I can totally relate to it, and I kept thinking about it, because it feels like I'm that dog right now and am whining and crying because I'm sitting on a nail. So why am I not moving away? Could it be because I am afraid I wouldn't get another seat? Or because I'm afraid of getting yet another painful nail to sit on? Or worse, have I became used to the pain? Why do I keep hurting myself?

Honestly, as I am writing this, I feel like crawling under my table and just cry because everything is so confusing and tiring, and I still can't find a way out yet. I don't know what do, not sure what I can do to make everything better, I'm just so.. lost.

Once again I'm really sorry to start the new year with a confused blog post, hopefully things will get better and brighter and I will find the answer I need soon.