show off time!

I've been wanting to write something here but I was forced to write something somewhere else. And by that, I mean my thesis, lol. and this is going to be a very short post because I just want to show something off.

Here it is!

You see that capitalized ACC there? YES!

FINALLY! After buckets of bloods and tears and sweats (okay, not really). FINALLY my thesis that's talking about illegal downloading and CD sales and idolatry and K-pop(!) is accepted! Now all that's left is to do the final test and I will be a Master in business and management! (not literally, I think... I mean... well...).

Anyway, that's all. Lol, yes really. I just wrote to show off hahahahahahahahahaha~ 

(≧◡≦)

Now pray hard for me and my final test next month, hohohohoho~

(man, this post is pointless, isn't it?)

On Failing

picture credit: Hajin Bae

Earlier this week I fell into a hellhole of a sadness, it was dark and empty and small and deep and I couldn't seem to find a way out. I felt like I was slapped with the reality that as much as I have done this year, I have failed in so many ways.

I wanted, targeted, planned, and even boasted about being graduated this April, which means I would have my final test on March, which means I have to finish my thesis on February, in which, I did. But there are revisions from my professor, and every time I turned in my thesis he will give it back with more things to fix. Before I knew it, February passed and I can't get things done by March and I can't graduate with my friends in April.

I kept asking myself what went wrong? I want to blame it on my professor but I don't think I can, all he does was fixing my mistakes, should I blame him for having a standard a little bit too detailed? Should I badmouth him saying he doesn't like me that's why I haven't passed it yet? I can't, I just know that I can't. Should I blame myself for making mistakes? No, I won't. I don't like blaming myself. So no, I don't know.

I applied for a job, and I didn't get it. I was called for an interview, but I just didn't pass the test, for whatever reason. Although honestly I was partially relieved about it, because I still can't imagine myself working in the big city, Jakarta. That place scares the shit out of me no matter how many time I went there. 

Jakarta is like a cold person who doesn't appreciate my ways trying to get to know it better. I don't know, I just can't feel the chemistry, although I come there at least once every year. I might as well choose Singapore or Seoul or even Bangkok or Manila (which I haven't even visited yet) to work over Jakarta. That is how much I am feeling uncomfortable about it. But you see, the bigger the city, the bigger the chance.

And let's not talk about love. I know they said you can't hurry love, love will come when you least expect it,  love is just around the corner, and blah this blah that blah, but really. How can I not expect love? How can I not miss having someone to talk to, to share my feelings with? And the fact that most of my friends are already tying the knots, or will be soon, I am not unhappy for them, of course I am happy about their relationships, but really, I want to be happy for myself too. Is that really a selfish thing to do?

So I was feeling pretty down, here I am, a jobless, boyfriend-less, not graduated yet, 24 year old little lady. And by down I meant down. It felt almost suffocating to think about those things. Why do I fail in so many aspects? Why do I fail at life?

I didn't want to pretend that I was happy, because smiling through the pain doesn't make me feel better. So I just did useless things like going through tumblr and facebook and twitter and just going online, those things usually cheer  me up, but for once it didn't work.

Image Source: Hajin Bae

Until I went to facebook chat and found Hajin Bae, one of my favorite artists from South Korea was online. I found her through tumblr, I simply love her artwork. So I dared myself to talk to her and hey! She replied! I really didn't expect her to reply to me, since we don't know each other personally. Honestly, I'm more like a stalker to her, lol. Because I follow her tumblr and befriend her on facebook and kept liking every picture she uploads (her artworks). So we're practically strangers. 

Of course I didn't tell her my problem, we just chatted a little about art and some art techniques. But that small talk made me want to draw again, and so I did, and as always, drawing helps me a lifting up my moods. It sounds crazy, and I don't think she will believe it, but I am really thankful that she decided to reply to my message and have a nice small chat with me because it helped me a lot.

Image Source: Hajin Bae

I might be failing, and will fail even more in the future, I sure hope not but I guess that's inevitable since that's just how we learn to live life. But I am thankful for strangers love, for the mysterious way love sent to us, when friends fail to cheer me up, there are thousands of strangers out there who actually can help brighten my days.

And I hope, I can be that kind of stranger too to someone.

I know this isn't the cheery post that will lift your mood up, but I want to write this down so one day I can look back and remember there were days where I failed and sad, and if that day come, it means I have conquered the sadness and win the battle.

Image Source: Hajin Bae

Cheesy February

I’m using a silly font, and I’m adding emoticons on my post. Am I littletiara? Definitely! lol… this is kinda fun~

oh dear.. my blog has become so cute! Too cute! OMG, how do you like it? hahahah… I think I’m having too much fun here…

I really really, like seriously want to revamp this blog, and make myself active in the blogsphere again. Not only posting but also visiting random blogs and make new friends.

Quite frankly, shouldn’t I make something more mature instead of this kind of silly, though? LOL… is this my new image? hahahah… I wonder what will 5 years older me say when she opens this blog post~

anyways, moving on to the post; it’s February already! Holy flying unicorns! How fast seriously does time fly? so here, this post will talk about what I’ve done in January 2013. I found it useful to remind myself what I’ve accomplished, it makes me want to do more and accomplish more…

1. I’ve finished my thesis! Hurray~

finally… after long sleepless nights (more because I can work better at night) I finished my thesis! Well, I’m still waiting for it to be revised by my professor, though… but at least it is done done done~!

Remember my final paper for college was talking about fairy tales? Now, this thesis is talking about music~ man, I love how I can choose what I want to write about… it’s mainly about how someone’s intention to download music illegally reduces their intention to buy the original album. Isn’t it a sad fact?

Guess what? After finishing my thesis, I haven’t downloaded anything illegally any more, haha~!

2. I am an illustrator!

I guess you all know about my passion in art, and how I’ve made some artworks during my free time (or class time). Now I can proudly say that I’ve officially become an illustrator!

My cousin is a writer, and he wrote a book, and he asked me to illustrate the book~! Although he only gave me a week (which later be 2 weeks) to finish ten pictures for his book, and at some point during that week I felt so frustrated about drawing, and although at the deadline day I slept only for two hours… everything is worth it!

I actually really want to do this book giveaway, but it is written in Bahasa, I’m not sure if you want it hahaha… I really hope it was written in English, because honestly (pssst… don’t tell my cousin about it~) I found the story interesting, and I love how everyone in the book is connected to each other, plus… it’s a book about chocolate… who doesn’t love chocolate? Oh come on, even my allergic cousin loves it! (yes, I have another cousin who’s allergic to chocolate… I can’t imagine being her…)

3. My first lomo-shoot ever!

 

ever heard of Lomography? Or Lomo camera? such fun analog camera with the moto “don’t think just shoot”. Just… how fun is that rule? So my friend dikasapi is a pro (since he won a lot in the competition) and he let me learn and use one camera from his collection (believe me, he has like heaps of them!)

playing with Lomo is so much fun, I used LC-A Russia Day camera to take the pictures, as you can see… combo~! Each Lomo camera has their own specialty… I don’t think I can explain that yet, hahaha… I’m still a nooooob~

I also joined Lomography web page which is filled with friendly talented people from all around the world~! Such a fun place to be in! x) I received warm greetings and I soooo love it there

I love the thrill of  using an analog camera, how long has it been since the last time you used one? The excitement of not knowing how the result will come out like, the thrill of waiting for it being developed, the feeling of wanting to just shoot everything and develop the film but also want to only shoot the right picture… those are soooo exciting~!

4. Trying out various natural DIY face mask

Since I’ve done with my thesis (for a while) and finished illustrating, so I was kinda free. It is inevitable for me to spend a lot of my time in front of the computer, until one day I stumbled upon a website that showed me a recipe to make face mask using things I can find in my kitchen.

This is so fun! I’ve tried tomato, lemon, papaya, oatmeal, and banana… all can be mixed with honey, olive oil, and milk… while I had fun experimenting, I do notice that my skin is getting better… hahaha… I love this…

they’re messier than the instant face mask on the tube, though… tomatoes are so wet, so it dripped down my face… oatmeal is messy… and banana doesn’t look good when mashed (so it’s best to do it in the bathroom)… but they’re so useful… sugar and honey are my favorite, because it’s simple and gives instant result… but of course I can’t use sugar everyday to exfoliate my skin… mom will question how did her sugar runs out too quickly hahahaha~

so it’s indeed a long post, don’t you think? I hope I can write more often from now on, just like the good old days… I noticed my bloggy friends are getting busier too… so yeah, it's inevitable… we’re growing up~

Dreams do Come True

picture found via weheartit

Not sure what came to me today that I suddenly decided to sit in front of my computer (well, this part happen everyday) re-reading my old posts in this blog. It feels good walking down the memory lane and see what I've got and what I'm not and how many things had happened and how many precious lessons I've learnt.

That is until I found this post I wrote in February this year as a year-opener blog post. I didn't really remember what I wrote there, I thought it would only be about me talking about a new year resolutions and stuff like that. Apparently it was even more unimportant but seriously more surprising, I mean you won't believe how it surprised me when I read what I wrote there!

Here's a little part of it:

In another note, I really really really want to go South Korea for my birthday *wails* reason is, there's this Big Show, a Big Bang concert. Which, if you don't know already, Big Bang is like... the only Korean boyband I love! 

Okay, I know I sounded like a desperate teenage girl wanting to meet her idols, lol *hides in the corner*. I know, this shouldn't really be found in a blog of a 23 year old girl, lolololol... I can't really believe I did write that hahahahah... but what surprised me more was that this year, I did go to Korea and I did watch Bigbang concert! D:

I'm sure you all know that I went to Korea this summer due to my impulsiveness hahaha... and that was one of the best decisions I've ever made, oh the adventure! But I hadn't really say something about going to Bigbang concert, had I? So yeah, I went to their concert here in Indonesia. How appropriate that this year they decided to do a world tour and Indonesia is one of the countries on their list.

the lightsicks and the craziness
picture taken by me

The concert was Boom Shakalaka fantastic baby! It felt like I was watching a youtube videos about their concert with a super huge screen in front of me, and then I realized that I was in that video. It felt surreal, and fantastic and... well, this is the fangirl in me talking, lol. It just quite hard to believe that the people I could only see in youtube suddenly stood there in front of me, singing and dancing to songs I usually heard only the mp3 version of.

me camwhoring with the lightstick before the concert

Le crowd, looks pretty jam-packed, eh? Yes it was!

So I guess it's the power of will, or want, or... something... It just felt magical that the little things I wrote earlier this year was indeed granted. Life is just so cool and mysterious, isn't it? This only thought me to share what I want to do, what I want to be, instead of keeping it to myself. So yeah, I guess the saying was right...

When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

-Paulo Coelho

So while we're at it, what I want to do, and what I want to be now?

I want to finish my thesis as soon as possible, which is quite feasible looking at how I am progressing right now *insert smug face here*. To keep drawing as long as I can, and to have my own exhibition, and to travel the country, and to travel the world, and get married and still travel the world.

On my travel list are:

Wakatobi, Indonesia
(photo found via google)

• Wakatobi, Indonesia

This place is magical for me, I tell you. Once upon a time (like I-can't-remember-how-many-years ago) I had a dream, and you know how weird dreams can be, right? So in my dream I see myself flying on a plane, and there was a map-like visualization, I flew from Java island (where I am right now) to somewhere in Sulawesi (formerly known as Celebes) an eastern part of Indonesia I've never gone to. In my dreams I played in an area looking like... phi-phi island or Maldives, where you travel using boat everywhere. The dream fascinated me I just had to google it up the morning I woke up.

I wasn't really sure what to write on the keyword, so I just wrote 'archipelago', 'islands' and 'sulawesi'. I was seriously surprised when I actually found wakatobi there, I didn't know such place exist! It was in my dream, but then I found out that there is actually a place like that in reality, I didn't even know the name!

This happened in a time where nobody really knows about wakatobi, it is growing more popular right now, so it is easier to go there.

Cool stuff indeed.

Prague, Czech Republic
(Photo found via Google)

• Prague, Czech Republic

There's always something that fascinates me about the classical buildings, castles, the old-European architecture, and even the name Prague. Europe always have a special place in my heart, and Prague is on top of the list, surprisingly it's not even London or Paris (of course I want to go there too!).

I don't really have a dream or something about it, but back then in 2006 I made friends with someone from Prague and we exchanged pictures of where we live, that place caught my heart.

Seoul, South Korea
(Photo found via Google)

• Seoul, South Korea

I know, I know... but there's something so homey about this city for me. As I've said before, Yogyakarta, a city where I'm living in right now is seriously a perfect definition of comfort zone, where you can survive a week only with $10 in your pocket. Then I went to Seoul, a metropolitan city, pretty much different with Yogyakarta, but as artsy and cozy. I just can't help but wanting to come back there soon again, and maybe live longer there.

And I tell you, it's not even the boy bands that makes me want to go there, lol. (Okay, maybe yes for Bigbang)

Of course, that's not all, I've said that I want to travel the world so yeah...

Oh, look at how incoherently coherent this post it. Oh well.

of long sentences and artworks

there are so many things I want to talk about right now, and for this one... we're not going to talk about Seoul, I will post more later so no worries ;)

anyways, first off... I'm not sure if this is a great way to start a post with something quite negative, I mean like... earlier this morning I felt so cranky and bitchy and sensitive and of course I know that it only meant my period is coming soon. Despite knowing that I can blame the hormones, I was still moody nonetheless. I was immensely negative this morning, it's a good thing I was home or else I'd be bawling my eyes out over the smallest unimportant stuff in front of the world and probably not giving a damn about it until hours later and then I would feel like burying myself for acting so stupid, and wow... that was a hella long sentence, lol.

So I felt negative and lazy and useless, and it made me sad, I mean... I had things to do and be finished but I just didn't feel like it and I was sad because of me not doing the thing I was supposed to do while the reason was my own laziness. Oh, look! There, another long sentence! I think I'll make a lot in this post, this is quite fun, it feels like ranting, lol.

I had thesis proposal to be done actually by today, but luckily the professor later texted me that he couldn't make it today so we'll meet on monday (phew~). I have lots of things I want to do like drawing my ass off and reopen the little store I had and produce new stuff and yeah, things like that... so I decided to brace myself and seek for some inspiration by looking at art blogs and websites, which surprisingly made me even sadder.

I felt like I had no style, like I just loved whatever people are doing and making and I made something similar. I'm not sure if it is a common problem, I mean... it almost feel like I am losing my identity, who am I? What kind of drawing is mine? What is my style?

And as you all know I love making art and people love it and that makes me earn something from my artwork, but then it started to feel different, sometimes it feels like I do art only for money, which I don't because when I draw only for money the result won't be satisfying enough for me to even show it off. which is a sad sad thing because you all know how I love to show off. It should be something to make me feel happy, not burdened, and I feel like I'm 'using' art, as if it was a person and I use it to work for me and earn money. I don't know, I'm weird like this.

So I sulked for hours, contemplating and talking with myself, which is pretty much a weird hobby but yeah... and I didn't know what came to me but suddenly I found my fabric marker and a plain white t-shirt. Next thing I know, I was doodling on my t-shirt and loving it and not feeling that sad anymore.

Told ya, I'm weird. Oh the mood swings~

I decided to just deal with my mood after that, because I know for sure that it will pass. More importantly, it felt like the light bulb was on! OH! Why didn't I find it earlier? Why only now? I mean, I have drawn stuff on fabric before to made some little plushy and dolls, but never thought about doing it on a t-shirt. Wow, was I insane?

I've been obsessed with lines lately, as in drawing lines, but maybe not so lately... it's just that I drew lines and circles more often than not lately. If you're following me on instagram or path where I usually show my raw artwork off you'll notice that too, I guess.

I drew this one on a restaurant. It's a nice place to sit and chat with friends but that day I came alone with my sketchbook and marker, this one was only one of the pictures I made that day, the others aren't so interesting, though.

Yay or Nay?

This was what I made earlier today on my shirt, and uh... I think my cat knew what I drew was his kind and got jealous, I mean look at him selfishly cover the face of my drawing with his cute little paw. Geez, jealous cat is jealous.

So I guess it's still an adventure of finding myself in the end, and of course you don't have to worry about me, this post sounds depressed only because the monthly period is nearing (trust me boys, it works that way). In fact, today I met up with a friend and dealing on him to help me make some tank-tops to sell on my (hopefully soon) revived shoppe. If everything goes well according to the plan then it means I will open my etsy store (!) in two weeks time, or around that. And well, new stuffs are coming, along with the old stuff, of course :)

and there is this quote from the boy I adored so much lately because he's just too awesome on being awesome...

It’s not luck - it’s hours, days and months that you spend working. It’s not faith - it’s the determination, the drive you have. And it’s not about you - it’s about the people who supported you on highs and lows. Then, perhaps, you have a chance.

—Kwon Jiyong*

 *Kwon Jiyong or also widely known as G-Dragon or GD is the leader of Korean group, Bigbang (which as you all may have known, I love so much, really the only Korean group I follow, okay?) one of the richest artist in South Korea because other than being in one of the biggest band in Korea, he also produced 80% of their songs, plus he's on his 2nd solo album right now where 2 of his singles already hit the roof of every music chart in Korea, perfect all kill.

and the fact that he's only a year older than me yet had achieved so much (like conquering the world with his talent and hard work and leadership) made me respect him so much. Just look at his words, I mean... it's G-Dragon, what more can I say?

When in Seoul pt.1 - Hongdae

I'm home already, but I think I really left part of my heart in Seoul. I've even planned to come back there again soon, the due date is the time all the cosmetics I bought there run out--which will be pretty long since I bought a lot, plus I got like hella amount of free samples.

I secretly (or not really) planned to come back there for my birthday next year.

I'm not sure what makes me love it so much, why I found it so lovable and adorable and homey. Before this, I've always been in love with my city, Yogyakarta. Not even coming to the infamous Bali reduced my love for Yogya even a little bit, so the fact that I enjoyed Seoul so much surprised me.

And no, it's not about the pretty boys in their boy bands, seriously... I'm too old for that. lol.

I've even decided to learn Korean (so I can bargain properly when shopping there) and to look for a job there (and I'm seriously serious about this). So I've been planning out the things I have to do to prepare my coming back there.

It's a good thing, really. Now that I have something to look forward to, I keep reminding myself that I have to finish my thesis as soon as possible, because only by finishing it I can go travelling again.

Anyways, I came back with heaps of stories and new friends, which I am really thankful for. Let's see... hmmm... let's talk about Hongdae, my favorite area in Seoul.

Hongdae is a really colorful area, filled with young energy as it is the center of where art in Seoul come from, Hongik University. It's an area filled with cafes and night clubs and all sorts of fun places youngsters would love to hang out in. It's my favorite place to hang out and having fun, despite the fact that the first two time I went there I got lost twice.

it's predictable to see posters of music concerts everywhere

Lomostore in Seoul, placed really strategically behind Hongik University, really a perfect place for such a fun shop.

La Sardina DIY, you can personalize your camera with your own artwork! How fun is that?!

One of the examples of how you can make your camera really yours.

everything in Hongdae is artistic, including this (unused?) car.

One of the artwork booths in free market*

cute gardening store! >.<

You know you're in Korea when you can find coffee shop every three steps

CAT CAFE oh my God! kkkk~

Anymode, from what I understand, this store sells heroes-themed cellphone accessories

and of course, cosmetics! Etude House is everywhere too.

Being the central of art, of course the buildings have to be artistic too.

I love how they have clear concept on every cafes, which makes each one of them distinct from one another.

*free market:
Every Saturday and Sunday, the students from Hongik University came out and have a free market selling their artworks, a very fun event indeed!

This summer

some of the new friends I made here in Korea

[August 18, 2012 7:09 AM Room. 325 Inha University; Dormitory 1]

Everything was suddenly quiet, it was merry last week, it was still merry yesterday, it was even still merry 2 hours ago. This morning at 6 AM the first batch of the students leaving the dormitory started, and that was how this quiet emptiness started.

I can still remember how crowded the airport was three weeks ago, better yet, it was crowded with teenagers of my age, and I couldn’t help but guess “ah, they’re the ones I’ll spend my next three weeks with”, which was accurate.

Random ads with CL of 2NE1 (a Korean girl group) in a subway station

Korea had always been in my wish list, and having learned to take every chances given, I decided to join this summer school I found randomly when I browsed the internet, granted, it was one of the best decision I’ve ever made.

Despite the Korean wave with its K-pop and K-drama, I’ve never really learnt about Korea, especially the language, so it was expected of me to be kind of nervous starting a ‘new life’ in a country I’m so unfamiliar with, that speaks language I know nothing about.

A cafe in Hongdae

It wasn’t love at the first sight, maybe not even the second sight. It was a hot sunny day the first day I came here, with the sunflowers stood still so beautifully, but nevertheless, it was hot, scorching hot. I couldn’t help but to think at how similar Indonesia and Korea are, well… the weather that is.

So time went by, I learnt new stuffs, made new friends, experienced new adventures, visited new places all squeezed in a very short three weeks.  I learn new things every day, making my dreams coming true one by one by visiting places I thought I could only see through the internet.

another random cafe (?) in Hongdae

As time sneakily moved, it was suddenly the third week. Suddenly the hot summer day was gone, changed with chilly wind and some rainy days. That was when I noticed the sunflower wasn’t standing as high as before, was the summer coming to its ending already?

I couldn’t help but to feel really empty as I couldn’t hear any sound from the hallway anymore right now, and feel a little bit saddened by the fact that I can’t hang out with my new friends anymore. And I hate to say that I hate the fact that I have to go back to face the reality, finishing my thesis and my study, looking for a job and do the deeds.

Choo Choo cat notes

This summer is definitely one of my best summers; I wouldn’t want to trade it with anything. Korea had taught me so much. The people here had been nothing but generous and helpful, I was awed at how advanced the technology here, but at the same time touched at how people keeps their culture.

I feel like suffering from a broken heart realizing how I have to pack my back and follow the other to come back home too. Suddenly, without me knowing, suddenly Korea is my 2nd home. I promised myself, this won’t be the last time I’m visiting Korea, I’ll be back for more.