of long sentences and artworks

there are so many things I want to talk about right now, and for this one... we're not going to talk about Seoul, I will post more later so no worries ;)

anyways, first off... I'm not sure if this is a great way to start a post with something quite negative, I mean like... earlier this morning I felt so cranky and bitchy and sensitive and of course I know that it only meant my period is coming soon. Despite knowing that I can blame the hormones, I was still moody nonetheless. I was immensely negative this morning, it's a good thing I was home or else I'd be bawling my eyes out over the smallest unimportant stuff in front of the world and probably not giving a damn about it until hours later and then I would feel like burying myself for acting so stupid, and wow... that was a hella long sentence, lol.

So I felt negative and lazy and useless, and it made me sad, I mean... I had things to do and be finished but I just didn't feel like it and I was sad because of me not doing the thing I was supposed to do while the reason was my own laziness. Oh, look! There, another long sentence! I think I'll make a lot in this post, this is quite fun, it feels like ranting, lol.

I had thesis proposal to be done actually by today, but luckily the professor later texted me that he couldn't make it today so we'll meet on monday (phew~). I have lots of things I want to do like drawing my ass off and reopen the little store I had and produce new stuff and yeah, things like that... so I decided to brace myself and seek for some inspiration by looking at art blogs and websites, which surprisingly made me even sadder.

I felt like I had no style, like I just loved whatever people are doing and making and I made something similar. I'm not sure if it is a common problem, I mean... it almost feel like I am losing my identity, who am I? What kind of drawing is mine? What is my style?

And as you all know I love making art and people love it and that makes me earn something from my artwork, but then it started to feel different, sometimes it feels like I do art only for money, which I don't because when I draw only for money the result won't be satisfying enough for me to even show it off. which is a sad sad thing because you all know how I love to show off. It should be something to make me feel happy, not burdened, and I feel like I'm 'using' art, as if it was a person and I use it to work for me and earn money. I don't know, I'm weird like this.

So I sulked for hours, contemplating and talking with myself, which is pretty much a weird hobby but yeah... and I didn't know what came to me but suddenly I found my fabric marker and a plain white t-shirt. Next thing I know, I was doodling on my t-shirt and loving it and not feeling that sad anymore.

Told ya, I'm weird. Oh the mood swings~

I decided to just deal with my mood after that, because I know for sure that it will pass. More importantly, it felt like the light bulb was on! OH! Why didn't I find it earlier? Why only now? I mean, I have drawn stuff on fabric before to made some little plushy and dolls, but never thought about doing it on a t-shirt. Wow, was I insane?

I've been obsessed with lines lately, as in drawing lines, but maybe not so lately... it's just that I drew lines and circles more often than not lately. If you're following me on instagram or path where I usually show my raw artwork off you'll notice that too, I guess.

I drew this one on a restaurant. It's a nice place to sit and chat with friends but that day I came alone with my sketchbook and marker, this one was only one of the pictures I made that day, the others aren't so interesting, though.

Yay or Nay?

This was what I made earlier today on my shirt, and uh... I think my cat knew what I drew was his kind and got jealous, I mean look at him selfishly cover the face of my drawing with his cute little paw. Geez, jealous cat is jealous.

So I guess it's still an adventure of finding myself in the end, and of course you don't have to worry about me, this post sounds depressed only because the monthly period is nearing (trust me boys, it works that way). In fact, today I met up with a friend and dealing on him to help me make some tank-tops to sell on my (hopefully soon) revived shoppe. If everything goes well according to the plan then it means I will open my etsy store (!) in two weeks time, or around that. And well, new stuffs are coming, along with the old stuff, of course :)

and there is this quote from the boy I adored so much lately because he's just too awesome on being awesome...

It’s not luck - it’s hours, days and months that you spend working. It’s not faith - it’s the determination, the drive you have. And it’s not about you - it’s about the people who supported you on highs and lows. Then, perhaps, you have a chance.

—Kwon Jiyong*

 *Kwon Jiyong or also widely known as G-Dragon or GD is the leader of Korean group, Bigbang (which as you all may have known, I love so much, really the only Korean group I follow, okay?) one of the richest artist in South Korea because other than being in one of the biggest band in Korea, he also produced 80% of their songs, plus he's on his 2nd solo album right now where 2 of his singles already hit the roof of every music chart in Korea, perfect all kill.

and the fact that he's only a year older than me yet had achieved so much (like conquering the world with his talent and hard work and leadership) made me respect him so much. Just look at his words, I mean... it's G-Dragon, what more can I say?