Hello, my name is Tiara

I seriously miss writing, I guess I have to start all over again after the long absence. Let's start from introduction all over again.

The name is tiara, ye as in hat cute little crown princess wear, maybe that's why I pretty much am a spoiled bratty princess. Oh, sometimes some brides wear tiara too, so that would explain my love for anything related to wedding, and the fact that I have this dream about marriage and family.

This tiara 23 year old this year, pretty old, pretty young. I do what I want, I just do, I have this belief that in the end, the things you'll regret will be those you didn't do instead of the ones you did. So I braced myself, wear my heart under my sleeves, being honest whenever in love, being honest when having a heart break, just... being honest to myself. I cry when I'm sad and laugh when I'm happy.

When I wrote the previous post, I was confused why my crush was being cold to me. Being the honest person that I am, I always tell people how I feel, I can't read between the lines, I don't speak cryptic. If you like me, say it, maybe I'll consider you, even if I don't I will tell you. If you don't say it, I will never know, wait, maybe I do, but then I won't do anything about it, especially if I don't feel the same way.

Anyways, with this last guy, I was confused when things suddenly changed, I didn't do anything (at least not that I know of) and silent treatment is like one of the most traumatic things someone can do to me. I hate silent treatment, and yeah, hate is a strong word.

I was okay when later I found out the crush had a girlfriend, I was like "Oooh... so that's what it's all about..." although I couldn't help but feel a little bit disappointed to have a crush that's not really a gentleman and gave me a silent treatment instead of explaining. But of course, when I thought about it again, I could totally understand that maybe it would be silly for him to explain "hey I have a girlfriend now" when we didn't really have anything going on, so yeah, I understood.

Another thing that disappointed me was how he said he didn't know I liked him, ah... I really didn't know I fell for someone so dense. *sigh* (well, it's either he was really stupid or he was faking it because as I've said, I wear my heart under my sleeves-either way, it's not important anymore)

I was heartbroken,alright, but I was okay. Totally okay it irked me when my friends gave me this certain sympathy look. I am totally thankful about them, though, to care about me in (what they thought) my worst state (which was not, really). I can't really explain how being heartbroken is alright but I was totally okay and cool about everything. So I guess maybe I didn't like him that much.

Of course I liked him, but maybe not that much that I would feel too brokenhearted.

Ah, since I've claimed to be an honest person, I have to confess that I am not really okay today. Curiosity kills the cat, they say. And of course I just had to stumble upon the girlfriend's profile where they posed together and honestly, it kinda... stung.

I was in love(/like? Whatever), then I was hurt, then I was okay, and now I'm not really okay, but I know I will so don't worry.

I mean, seriously, this is so not the first time I'm having my heart broken, geez.

Oh well, I'm young and all, it's a part of my adventure, 10 years from now I will have an interesting story to my child how in 2012, to July only, there had been around 4 guys had entered my life, either they fell for me or the other way around.

I am thankful that I had given the chance to be loved, although I couldn't love back, that I had the chance to love, although wasn't being loved back, the chance to flirt although ended up nowhere, I mean... can you imagine life without all those? Man, that would be totally boring!

So boys, thank you so much! You, you, you, and you. 

and for the last guy, the one this post talked about, I wish you the happiest ending. See, I might be a bitch and all but I'm not one to curse your relationship, okay? I'm happy for you, really. I don't understand how so don't ask me to explain but yeah, I'm hurt and brokenhearted but I'm happy for you.

I'm complicated like that.

So it's a good thing that you (may) have found your happy ending, I hope to find mine soon too. I'm not sure if we'll ever be normal again-ever, but I hope we will, maybe not soon since I will need time to mend my broken heart (as little hurting as it is, it still hurts-well, it's a broken heart anyways).

Oh let's see if there'll be more boys later, I mean, I'm going to Korea by the end of this month and what can I say? New adventures! New friends! I seriously can't wait!

dear heart

I'm holding my cracked heart tightly with trembling hands, afraid that if I ever let go it'll break all over again. I know it will, I know, but I'm still trying to hold it up in one piece, hoping you would still want to accept it and fix yours together with this.

Maybe we can make one complete heart using ours, maybe my pieces and yours will fit so we will have a new one instead of two broken hearts.

I'm afraid if I ever let go I would break my heart down and loose some pieces, some pieces that might be used to fix yours and complete ours.

ps. not caring about the grammar here, so excuse me if you spot some grammatical errors.

of Bedtime story and the Future

"Once upon a time, deep in a forest lived a witch. One day when she was about to walk around the forest, she felt sleepy... so, let's sleep first now."

Okay, please calm down, and keep 'Dafuq did I just read' to the lowest level, I will explain. That was the story, bedtime story my father always told me whenever I was being a spoiled little princess. Seriously, that was silly and short and... I can even write it in twitter! In less than 160 characters for goodness sake!

But that story was one of the most legendary (for me) I have ever heard. I've been tricked so many times with this story, I don't understand why but I always got excited when Daddy told me this story. I guess I was hoping for a different ending, which never came hahah...

So one of these days I told my Dad that I have a story and I told him this story, that was a really nice moment. We laughed together at the silliness, but then again, I still think it was smart hahaha...

It was Parent's day in Korea few days/weeks ago, and thinking about this story warmed my heart. I spent less time with my parents now, they're getting busier as I do the same. We have our own business and sometimes we have different point of views about something.

I love how I can always talk about boys with my mother (and even my father), and discuss whatever things with my father, from business to politics to self-actualization to.. the future and the past. I am so lucky, I know. To grow up in a such loving family with silly but the best parents. I want to be like them too when my time comes.

Looking at my house, and the furniture, and the cars, and... myself... those things my parents have achieved, will I ever be able to achieve them? Or more? Will I be able to feed my kids the nutritious food they deserve? Will I be able to build a house to be their shelter through the rain and the sun? Will I be able to give them the best education for their future? Will I be able to be a good parents?

Those questions, the only answer is a 'yes' and no other option shall be present. I don't know how, or when, but I will, when the time comes. It's a long road ahead, and all I have to do right now is to prepare my best.

Thank You

Posted this once in my tumblr months ago, and when I found it and reread it again today, I know I have to post it here too.

I have friends, I’m in love with them, I am so grateful that I have them around me, I can’t be any luckier, and I know I can’t say thank you enough.

Thank you for being there for me when I am the happiest, happiness feels less happy when not shared, what is in a happiness when you have nobody to share it with? why laugh when you have nobody to laugh together with?

When I am happy, I tend to share, to tell it to the world, but of course the first one I share the happiness with would be my closest friends, sometimes, I keep things for a while because I don’t want to look too crazy, but who am I kidding, my friends know who I am inside and out, less-crazy me? NEVER! :))

Thank you for being there with me when I am sad, be the ones to hug me, pats me on the back, smack some senses to me, or even just stare for afar because you know all too well nothing really make sense to the crying me.

Thank you for letting me be there when you are happy, thank you for sharing the happiness :D thank you for letting me be there when you are sad, although I am not really good on comforting people, thank you for letting me learn from things happened to you, because sometimes when troubles happen to other is when I think the most about the solution.

Thank you for being my anchor because I sway too much, thank you for being there and put colors to my days, thank you for all the lessons, thank you for being the lights when my days got too dark, and for being the shade when my days being all too bright and blinding. Thank you for just being there, thank you for letting me know you and be your friend. 

It's been harder to meet them and hang out with them lately, with all of us busy with our own lives. But when we do meet, we don't change, we're still the silly little kid hanging around together, which is crazy. I know I can't be any luckier.

and I realized, along the journey I might have lost some. Maybe it's better off this way, I hope it is. Maybe we just can't hang out the way we did, maybe the pieces don't fit anymore, and I am sorry about this, I wish us all good life. Thank you for being there, it was fun while it lasted.

Thank you, really. Thank you.

EVERYBODY WINS!

*throws confetti*

hahaha, okay, this is kinda sad if you look at one side, I said I will have three winners for my giveaway and then only three people joined my giveaway, oh well... but on the brighter note, it means everybody wins! YAY! Hahaha.. congratulations winners!

Send me your mailing address to my email :D tiara1603@gmail.com and it's all wrapped up ready to be sent to you!